


The Monsters We Make

by Momodesuu



Series: November [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Blood and Gore, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-04-16 20:34:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14172870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momodesuu/pseuds/Momodesuu
Summary: Blackwatch is supposed to set her free.But nothing is ever that simple.





	1. Welcome to Blackwatch

**Author's Note:**

> I am a day late on this update and I apologize! I went to a party and totally forget to upload these >>

McCree watches her from across the shuttle. He feels like he should say something, maybe go sit next to her. She looks at her hands, moving her wrists in the cuffs. She hadn’t acted surprised when Reyes had slapped cuffs on her and tossed her in a car. She was still a criminal, at least until cleared otherwise. 

Jesse wasn’t stupid, understood how the system worked, he’d been there himself. But Sophia looks fragile, looks like she’s just defeated her greatest enemy. And in a sense, she has. 

McCree shakes his head, stares down at the floor. He can’t get her voice out of his head. The way she sweetly talked to Grey as he died. There was no venom in her words and Jesse thought she actually sounded a bit sad. Maybe she was. Grey was everything she knew, her world, and she’d just killed him. But McCree wanted to believe he wasn’t someone to make assumptions. 

He wanted to ask her, really he did. But everything caught on his tongue. So he just sat there and stared at her. 

-

When they touch down in Switzerland, it’s day time. Sophia’s never been jet lagged before, but she’s sure what she’s feeling is exactly that. The cuffs around her wrists itch and she desperately wants to scratch them, but she tries to not think about it. She’s tired, feels exhausted. It hasn’t quite sunk in, she thinks, that her life has changed. 

She was so used to living a set life, having a set schedule and that’s all changed now. Grey is gone and with him, Alice. She doesn’t have to hide behind a fake name, a fake identity. But in the back of her mind she thinks,  _ Did I truly not like the life I lived? _ She thinks of Grey, of the way his face looked as he took his last breath. 

The smile that spreads across her lips is something inhuman. All she can see is his blood, tastes it on her lips. She remembers the way his muscles ripped apart under her teeth. Can feel the moment her teeth broke skin, can taste the blood that flooded her mouth. 

“Sophia,” she’s pulled out of it by Jesse. He’s been here the whole time, has been watching her, staring.  _ He must think I’m different, weird. _ “I’m sure you’re jet lagged, so I’ve been permitted by Dr. Ziegler to show you to your room for some rest.” 

Sophia looks around the hanger they’re standing in. People scurry all around, loading and unloading different shuttles. Some have the Overwatch symbol on the side, others have a different symbol. The same symbol that’s on Jesse’s armor.  _ Blackwatch. _

“This might be an odd request,” she says, nervously picking at her nails, “but could I have a smoke?” Jesse looks at her, tilts his head to the side as he stares. Maybe he sees the nervousness in her eyes, sees the slight shake in her shoulders. 

He pulls a small pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, “Nab’d these from Gabe.” He says with a chuckle and hands her one of them. She was rather used to cigarettes, far more than she was with cigars. She puts the cigarette to her lips the best that she can and Jesse leans in to light it. He smells earthy, like whiskey and sweet cigars. It’s comforting. 

The first inhale burns, but she breathes through it. She lets the smoke curl around the inside of her mouth, runs her tongue against her teeth, before she blows it out. It’s sad, really, how the familiarity of the cigarette calms her. She’s sure she can hear the old record player playing her dad’s favorite song. Can almost feel herself dancing to it. 

“Blackwatch ain’t that bad,” Jesse says as they stand there, “it’s freer then what you’re used to.” She looks at Jesse and briefly wonders how he got here. Did he enlist? Or was he given a deal just like she was? 

Sophia chuckles softly, “I’m sure it is.” 

They stand there for awhile. Jesse patiently waits for Sophia to finish her cigarette, even waits as she asks for a light to her second one. Her nerves are shot, something coiling in her stomach. Maybe it’s regret, guilt, sadness. She’s not sure. All she knows is the music is slowly getting louder and the only thing she can hear is Jesse’s breathing. It’s anchoring her, if only a little. 

-

Her room is small. Jesse told her that this wasn’t their home base, that she’d have an official room back at HQ. She’s not sure she minds all that much. Her room back at Rose Alice was big, was spacious, but was it home? Was it really her room? Or a prison? Maybe this room was much the same, but it felt different. 

The bed had a weird softness to it, even though it was harder then her bed back at Rose Alice. She found it easy to sink into the sheets, to find comfort in them. Jesse had removed her cuffs, but she was sure he was keeping watch outside. She didn’t mind it really. It gave her a sense of security as sleep took her. 

Sophia didn’t usually have nightmares. She’d have occasional dream about her parents, of her time as a child. But even then, she wouldn’t consider those nightmares. But this,  _ this _ was a nightmare. 

The room was black, blood pooled at her feet. Grey stood there, eyes black, blood pooling out of them. “Did you think it was that easy?” His voice was  sandpaper, raspy, a growl leaving him as he took a step toward her. “You can’t just get rid of me.” 

The room started to inclose around her, inch by inch. The blood kept pooling, covered her legs in a sticky redness. She wasn’t afraid of blood, welcomed it actually. But something about the warmness of this, of the way it clung to her body, frightened her. “You can’t run  _ Alice. _ You will always be mine.” 

A violent shake tore her from the nightmare. A cold metallic hand was on her shoulder, shaking her softly. She looked up, a sob leaving her lips. She wasn’t aware she’d been crying, maybe even screaming to make someone come in here. 

This man however, was not Jesse. 

“Do not be alarmed.” His voice was metallic sounding, a heavy accent in it that Sophia couldn’t quite place. All she could see was his eyes, the red glow in them a bit frightening. “You were having a nightmare.” 

Sophia moved to sit up and was surprised when the stranger provided a tissue for her to wipe her eyes. She’s not sure where he got it, not seeing a supply of them in the room with them. Nonetheless, she took it and pressed it against her eyes. Her tears quickly soaked into it, she’d been crying more than she thought. 

“You were calling out in your sleep,” the man said, “a name.” She could only imagine she’d been screaming Grey’s name. 

She looked at him, really looked. The room was dark, but she could make out his shape. He glowed in various parts, some human, some not. A cyborg? “I apologize if I… was disturbing you.” Sophia finally said.

“Dr. Ziegler sent me to get you. You did not disturb me.” He was kneeling next to the bed, elbows resting on his knees. 

“Forgive me if this is rude, but where are you from?” 

The man actually  _ chuckled. _ It was breathy, sounded strange against what Sophia only assumed were simulated voice chords. “I am from Japan.” 

Sophia laughed back, “I’m afraid I’ve never been anywhere but L.A.” 

“If you ever visit, visit in the spring. The cherry blossoms are a real sight to see.” She watched the softness in his eyes, the crease in his brow. He was remembering something, something peaceful, more than likely from his past. 

It’s silent for a moment. Sophia can only assume he’s giving her some time to calm down, to adjust to being awake. “Do you have nightmares?” She suddenly asks, tired eyes focusing in on his. 

He tilts his head to the side, maybe debating what kind of answer to give. But he just nods and looks toward the floor. “Frequently. So I understand if you need a moment.” 

Nothing more is said, a peaceful silence falling over the room. The stranger hums, though she’s not sure it’s actually  _ him _ . More like  _ parts _ of him. Something in her aches to reach out and touch his arm, feel the metallic skin under her fingers. She’d heard of Omnics before, was sure this man was not one, but the curiosity was still there. 

“It has occurred to me that I have not given my name.” He says softly into the silence. “You may call me Genji.” 

-

Jesse’s waiting outside when Genji finally coaxes Sophia to leave. She looks tired, like the past eight hours of sleep she got meant nothing. And maybe they did. Jesse knows his first nights sleep was restless, was plagued with nightmares. He wanted to reach out to her, but Genji had went first. Maybe he was better to comfort her, maybe he wasn’t. Jesse’s not good at these things, he realizes. 

Blackwatch doesn’t get many new recruits, everyone who’s here has been here for awhile. Besides Sophia, Genji is the newest recruit. Jesse saw this place as a new beginning, a way out from the hellish life he was living. But did they? Was this a way out for them? Jesse thinks not. Thinks he’s the only who views Blackwatch this way. 

Sophia's staring at him, blue eyes bright and cheeks tear stained. She hasn’t taken the contacts out,  _ a real shame _ , he thinks. “These are for you,” he says, handing over a communicator and an ID badge, “Commander got back a little while ago, filled out all of your paperwork.” 

“That was fast,” she says. Jesse watches her fingers twitch as he hands her the items. Watches the shake in her shoulders. He tries not to look sad, tries to smile.  _ Tries. _

“Welcome to Blackwatch.” The smile that pulls across her lips is not a happy one. Jesse can see the tears bead at the corner of her eyes and all she does is blink them away. 

  
_ It ain’t right forcing someone do something against their will, _ Jesse thinks,  _ but we’re no better are we? _


	2. Nothing Without Purpose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the lovely Denny and Zambie

Dr. Ziegler seems nice enough. She’s kind, smiles a lot. Sophia sees the way she looks at her, sees the look in her eyes.  _ She sees me as a child. _ Sophia might not have went to school, or gotten a degree, but she likes to think she's still smart. 

The doctors accent is heavy, but she recognizes it. “This scan will be quick,”she says as Sophia lays down on a table. She’s been reduced to a gown and even though she’s been naked in front of multiple people, right now she feels more exposed than ever. 

She doesn’t say anything as the table starts to move toward the machine. It’s dark inside, a quiet humming around her as it does it’s job. She’s not sure what Ziegler is looking for. She’d done a full body exam, said Sophia looked healthy. Ziegler had said she needed to eat more,  _ get some weight on those bones. _ Sophia had smiled at that, a warm feeling settling in her chest. It was odd to be around someone who  _ cared _ . 

There’s an expression on Dr. Ziegler’s face when the machine brings her back out into the light. She’s holding a holo tablet, her finger scrolling through the scans. She watches as the doctor bites her lip and glances over at Sophia. “You said you’ve had surgery before, yes?” Sophia nods. “What kind of surgery?” 

Sophia brings herself into a sitting position, swinging her legs over the side of the examination table. “Grey he uhm,” her throat feels tight, mind filling with black tar, “made me have numerous surgerys. I was never told what exactly what was happening, just that I had to be a good girl, that I had to listen to the doctors no matter what.” She digs her fingernails into her wrist. “They took out some of my teeth, put some weird wires into my gums and then put the teeth back.” 

Dr. Ziegler gives Sophia a moment and she’s grateful for it. She unconsciously runs her tongue across her teeth, feels the point to them. “I was told my blood was toxic after the surgery. There were always creatures in cages at the place he took me to. Snakes, spiders, frogs. I assumed they were taking the poison and venom from the animals and injecting them into me.” 

The doctor takes a moment to look over the scans again and turns the tablet toward Sophia. “Your blood is laced with nanobots.” She points toward an enlarged image of one. They look like spiders and goosebumps rise on Sophia’s arms. “They are more than likely filtering the toxin into your bloodstream and keeping you alive.” Ziegler bites her lip again. “Maybe if we did a whole blood transplant…” She looks at the scans again and sighs. 

Sophia can tell she’s flustered. She’d heard about Angela Ziegler on the news once or twice. A medical genius the news said,  _ A true guardian angel. That must come with burdens _ , Sophia thinks. She probably feels compelled to do something, to  _ fix _ Sophia. But Sophia doesn’t really know if she wants to be fixed. 

“Angela!” Dr. Ziegler’s expression turns sour as she looks toward the door. A woman stands in the doorway, casually leaning against it, arms crossed over her chest. “Aw! Don’t look so happy to see me.” 

The woman’s smile is vicious, malice intent clear in it. She sends a chill down Sophia’s spine. She stares at Sophia, smile growing wider as her brain works. “Moira,” Angela says, liquid hate in her voice, “what are you doing here?” 

Moira moves into the room and Sophia sees just how  _ tall _ she is. Ziegler looks small next to her, but Sophia notes that Ziegler doesn’t look  _ weak _ . She looks anything but. It’s in this moment that Sophia decides she doesn’t like Moira. She’d like to think she’s a good judge of character. Her line of…  _ work _ , let her meet a lot of people. “Commander Reyes sent me to retrieve miss Sophia.” 

Sophia frowns, not liking the way her name sounds on this woman's tongue. “ _ Miststück _ ,” Angela says under her breath, “I was told by command that she would be my patient.” 

“There was a,” Moira looks over at Sophia, “change of  _ plans _ .” It hits her then, what’s happening. Angela wants to fix her and Reyes doesn’t want that. He needs her for her ‘special talent’ and if Angela takes that way, Sophia won’t be of use. Without a purpose, what good is she? 

Dr. Ziegler moves, sticks her finger into Moira’s chest. “No, this will  _ not _ be like Genji! Gabriel can not just decide to take patients away from me. She  _ needs  _ surgery. Without it she could-.” 

“Doctor,” Sophia’s voice sounds small but it causes both women to turn and look at her, “it’s alright.” She watches as Angela’s shoulders slump. 

Moira smiles, “That settles that then. Come with me dear.” She places a hand on Sophia’s shoulder and leads her out of the room. 

Sophia hears the clatter of tools on the tile floor as the door closes.  _ This is for the best. _

-

“You’re doing so well dear, just a few more vials okay?” Sophia nods and stares at the ceiling. She doesn’t want to look at Moira, doesn’t want to give her that satisfaction. “With this I can make you special bullets and we can have someone train you with a gun.” 

A throat clears near the door and Sophia turns to look. Commander Reyes is standing there, arms crossed over his chest. “I’ll have McCree train her.” 

“I can shoot.” She says, watching the laugh in Reyes’ shoulders. 

His voice is rough, dry. “Can you?” 

Sophia nods, “Grey taught me how to use a pistol.” Reyes raises a hand to scratch at his goatee. He stares at her for a long moment, the only sound in the room the beeping from the machines. 

Moira is silent, her gaze on the vials of blood she’s taking from Sophia’s arm. She can’t feel the sting of the needle anymore, maybe wishes she did. Because then she’d have something to focus on. Instead she stares into Reyes’ eyes. Stares into the emptiness that sits in them. Dark pools of an emotion she can’t make out. Out all of the people here, Reyes is the one person she can’t read. 

“I’ll have McCree be the judge of that,” he finally says, turning to take his leave. “Send her to the fitting room after you’re done.” 

Moira nods in acknowledgment, gaze still fixed on Sophia’s blood. 

-

The fitting room is ran by a small woman, looks like she’s in her teens. She’s quiet, doesn’t say anything as she measures Sophia. When she’s done, she assures her that her uniform will be there in a week's time and gives her a blackwatch issued tank top, hoodie and sweatpants. 

“What do I do now?” Sophia asks once she’s dressed. 

“Hmm,” the women says, pulling out a tablet and scrolling through some files, “says you aren’t due for testing till tomorrow. So I suppose whatever you want? Cafeteria is down the hall to the right if you’re hungry.” 

The hall is mostly empty when Sophia steps out into it. She’s doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s lost. A tightening in her chest at having a small bit of freedom. She might be chained to this building, but it’s  _ far _ bigger than Rose Alice ever was. She pulls out the communicator and attempts to use it. 

**From: Agent McCree**

If you need any help adjusting, just let me know and I’ll give ya’ the grand tour.

**From: Agent Shimada**

Roof access is two rights past the cafeteria. 

The door to the roof is already open when she climbs the three flights of stairs to get to it. A cold wind blows through it and bits of snow flow in. She walks out anyway, tucking her hands her pockets. 

“Here,” Genji calls out to her. He’s sitting near the edge, legs tucked under him. He’s holding a very warm looking blanket. 

“Thank you,” Sophia says as she takes a seat next to him, revelling in the warmth from the blanket. The other half is tucked tightly around Genji and she can feel the warm from his arm. 

“Did McCree message you?” He asks, gaze returning to the distant mountains. 

Sophia follows it, watches a bird in the distance. “He did. Said he’d give me the  _ grand tour _ .” 

Genji chuckles at that, “He’s a bit forward,” he adjusts himself under the blanket, “but he means well.” 

They sit in silence for awhile. Sophia takes in the sights, stares at the snow covered trees. She’d never have gotten this view from her room back in L.A. But she still misses the cars and the people. Misses  _ home _ . 

“Does it get easier?” She quietly says. 

Genji is silent for a moment, gaze still fixed on the distance. “You’ll always miss home,” he finally says, “the pain just gets easier to manage.”

Sophia watches a bird fly off into the distance until it’s out of sight. Genji only looks at her just as she cries and tightens the blanket around her. 

-

**From: Agent Shimada**

Come to the roof.

McCree sighs and scratches the back of his neck. It’s cold,  _ way _ too cold for the both of them to be out here as long as they have. But Jesse knows that Genji doesn’t listen and he hasn’t been able to gauge Sophia yet. He’d rather not get on the new recruits bad side just yet, so he just scoops her into his arms. 

She’s asleep, face wet and damp from fresh tears. “She’s not going to be easy,” Genji says as Jesse turns to leave, “she’s still got fight in her.” 

“Maybe that’s just what she needs.” 

Jesse returns Sophia to her room and tucks her into her bed.  _ She didn’t deserve this. _


	3. Talk Some More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the lovely Denny and Zambie.

The smell of earth sifts through the door and wakes Sophia. She instantly knows McCree is standing outside her door.  _ Right, training is this morning. _ A glance at the clock assures her that it is no longer morning, being nearly noon. 

She stumbles out of bed, the sheet wrapping around her leg. “Finally awake?” McCree laughs through the door and Sophia frowns. 

“You could have woken me.” 

She can’t see him, but she’s sure he shakes his head. “Nah. I slept till noon my first day to.” She hears him shuffle. “I got a bag of things Angela bought ya’.” 

When Sophia opens the door, Jesse’s standing there. The cigar between his lips is almost gone and the hallway smells earthy. She wonder’s how long he’s been standing here waiting. “Here,” he says, pushing the bag into her hands, “shower is in your room past that door.” He leans inside and points toward a door she hadn’t realized was even there. “Lemme know when you’re done.” 

The bathroom is small, similar to the one she had at Rose Alice, if slightly bigger. It has a decent mirror cabinet combo, a toilet and a standing shower. She would have killed to take a bath. Soak all of the aches out of her body, but this will have to do. Dr. Ziegler had bought her an assortment of everyday things. Including a fresh pack of underwear and even a new bra. 

Sophia couldn’t help the smile that pulled across her lips. The doctor had been nicer than any other woman she’d ever come across. They all seemed to remind her of her mother, of the sting on her cheek. But not the doctor, no, she reminded her of the summer sun raining through the curtains. Of the warmth on her body and in her heart. And she smiled at the thought. 

-

McCree can hear Sophia’s shrill shriek from the other side of the door and he actually laughs. The water in the Switzerland HQ was notorious for being  _ extremely _ cold. He could have told her, he thinks, but shrugs that thought away.  _ Better let her learn on her own _ . 

**From: Commander Reyes**

Don’t go easy on this one.

**To: Commander Reyes**

Have I ever?

**From: Commander Reyes**

Do we need to have yet another talk about Briggs?

**To: Commander Reyes**

No, sir. 

McCree frowns, thinking back on the recruit they had gotten a few years back. Briggs was a fine soldier now, did what he was told and was good at it. But Jesse will always remember the first time he trained Briggs to use a gun and promptly watched the guy shoot himself in the foot. He tipped his head back and let out a long sigh. 

“Something wrong?” McCree jumped, cigar almost falling from his lips. Sophia laughed. 

“Jesus, give a guy a little warning first.” Sophia shrugged as she walked out of her room and closed the door. 

“You didn’t warn me about the showers.” She glanced over at him, a sly smile on her lips. 

He rubbed the back of his neck, “Okay fine, I guess I deserved that one.” 

McCree looked her over, maybe a little too bluntly, but the lady didn’t seem to mind. Her shoulders were relaxed as she looked down the hall, her hair still wet in the bun she’d pulled it into. She seemed more…  _ at ease _ today. 

“So which way to the firing range?” She asked and McCree shook his head. 

“Ah no, we’re gettin’ you some food first.” He pointed down the hall and started walking, looking over his shoulder to make sure she as following. “Breakfast is usually served between eight and ten. Lunch is from noon to two and dinner is served around six.” 

Sophia moved to walk next to him, tucking her hands in the pockets of her hoodie. “Do I just… come here by myself?” 

McCree raised an eyebrow, “If ya mean do you need an escort, than naw. You’re a member of Blackwatch now, these halls are as much yours as they are mine.” He watched her relax, a small smile pulling at her lips. “And this is just between me and you, but if ya need a midnight snack, the cupboard under the toaster is filled with candy.” 

She laughed at that, “Never had much of a sweet tooth, but thank you.” 

McCree wouldn’t admit how long he stared at her as she grabbed a tray and went through the lunch line. She chatted with the lunch ladies, managing to get them to laugh, which was a feat in of itself. He didn’t comment on how  _ little _ food she’d grabbed, taking notice of the apple and string cheese. He wouldn’t push, not yet. 

-

Sophia would never admit how much she enjoyed listening to McCree talk. His accent was heavy, his southern drawl always pulling her in. And he was filled with stories, most of which she could only assume were made up. She’d never met someone who talked as much as he did, or wanted to for that matter. Her life had always consisted of saying what was necessary, engaging in conversation that was forced. 

But with McCree it was easy, her laughs felt real. And maybe they were real. Maybe none of what she was feeling was fake and she hoped for that. Hoped that maybe she could get through this in one piece. Hoped that McCree would train her to be strong. Because she’d never admit that she was weak, that she felt like crumpling in on herself. 

“Okay so lemme see whatcha’ got.” The gun felt heavy in her hands. It had been some time since she’d actually  _ used _ one. But she can remember the day, remember’s the blood that splattered on her face as she took the shot.  _ Good job, Alice. Just perfect.  _ “Hey,” McCree placed a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him, “you alright?” 

She nodded and turned toward the target, “Yes.” She raised it the way Grey had showed her. Could feel his hands run along her arms to steady her. _Just like this._ _Keep your hands steady, no shaking._ But there was a shake, it was there, and she could hear the gun rattle. 

“Here,” McCree said, running a hand along her arm to get her to lower the gun, “try this.” He handed her a cigarette and lit it for her. “Always helped me with the shakes.” 

Sophia takes a deep breath and turns back toward the target. The smoke fills her lungs as she takes a drag, feels it coat her insides. Grey voice is still there, but it’s distant, it doesn’t fog up her mind. His touch his gone and instead she feels the lingering warmth of McCree’s hand on her arm. Can smell the cigarette smoke mingle with the earth from his cigar and it’s a smell she could get lost in. 

The first bullet knicks the dummies shoulder, the second lands between its eyes. McCree whistles and chuckles behind her as she fires off more shots. “I guess you weren’t kiddin’.” She tries to hide the smile that pulls at her lips, but with her hair up, she’s entirely too exposed. “Now lets see how nimble you are.” 

“Nimble?” Sophia questions, turning back to McCree. He holds out his hand and she gives him the gun back. 

He places the pistol back with the rest of the training weapons, “I’ll get ya your own pistol.” Jesse raises a hand to scratch at his chin, “Now lemme see here…” He skims through some options in the holo tablet, obviously looking for something specific. “Ah! Here we go.” He presses a button and Sophia watches as the room rearranges. 

Gone is the wrecked training dummy and instead stands a running course. It looks like a street with small alleyways. Of course she’d need to be able to move swiftly. “Start is here,” McCree points toward one end, “end is here. Objective is to get to the end of the course as fast as ya can.” 

Sophia goes and stands at the start, feeling a little nervous. “I got this,” she says out loud and heads into the course. 

-

“Commander,” Moira says as she enters the room. All he does is nod to acknowledge she’s there. “I have the files you asked for.” 

Gabriel looks down from the observation deck at Sophia. Jesse’s chosen a higher skill level course and he wonders if he did it on purpose. Sophia’s been locked in a room for years and Gabriel doubts her abilities. He gave her props on being able to use a gun, especially being able to hit it at the distance Jesse had set the dummy at. He’s not sure why Jesse is scaling everything up. Maybe proving a point? He’s not sure, maybe he wanted her to fail so Gabriel would relocate her to somewhere safer. 

“Were you able to outfit something for the girl.” Gabriel doesn’t look towards her, but he knows Moira’ nods. 

“Yes, of course. It will take about a week for the workshop to make what I requested, but rest assured, Sophia will be a useful asset with what I have made for her.” He hears Moira shift behind him, hears her nails against the desk.  _ Tap, tap. _

Gabriel hears McCree laugh through the intercom, “Aw man, seriously?” Sophia’s laughing, sweat rolling down her forehead. “You just had to go an’ beat my record.” 

Something pulls at his chest, causes his heart to ache. Is this what he’s amounted to? Taking children from their homes and forcing them to fight? Giving them only two options, prison or death? Blackwatch was a death sentence. He’d watched too many good men and women die and not even get proper burials. And for what? 

  
His jaw clenches and he exhales.  _ Make me the bad guy, Jack. _


	4. What Keeps You Up At Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Denny and Zambie!

_ “It’s okay, I promise.” Grey smiles, but it does nothing to soothe the ache that’s racing through her head. He’s caressing her arm, fingers burning against her skin. She wants to tell him to back away, to stop touching her, but she can’t speak.  _

_ The surgeon removes another tooth and she can’t even scream at the pain. All she does is cry and close her eyes. “It’ll be over soon.” Grey’s voice does little to comfort her, it never has. She can feel the wires being laced into her gums and struggles against her bindings. “Give her more sedative.”  _

_ “But you wanted her to be awake.”  _

_ “I think Alice knows now who she belongs to, isn’t that right?” She can’t nod, but she would if she could. All she does is blink and hopes it’s enough. “That’s right.” Grey turns toward the doctor and motions for him to inject more sedative.  _

_ Her vision clouds, Grey’s voice slowly disappears and she’s engulfed in black. _

When she wakes, she’s met with the cold metal ceiling. Her eyes sting and she can feel the wetness that coats her cheeks. With a sigh, she moves to sit up, taking note of the sun that peaks in through her window. A glance at the clock reassures her that it’s only seven and she hasn’t overslept. A week in and her body has finally adjusted to waking up early. 

The floor is cold when she places her feet on it, sending a shiver up through her body. She makes a mental note to buy a rug or maybe some slippers. Jesse had told her that she’d be getting her first paycheck soon and she was honestly excited. Of course, she’d never admit that. At Rose Alice, she didn’t get paid, Grey did. He would buy her things, expensive gifts she didn’t want. 

She frowns when she finally makes it to the bathroom and chances a glance at herself in the mirror. She looks awful, tear stains running down her cheeks and big heavy, bags under her eyes. She turns the sink on and lets some water collect in her hands before splashing it on her face. It’s cold - almost unbearably so - and sends a shiver down her spine. 

When she looks back up, something wicked stares back at her. Sophia takes a step back, rubbing her eyes to make sure she’s not seeing things. “ _ You can’t get rid of me, _ ” her reflection says at her, “ _ I’ll always be here. Alice will always be apart of you. _ ” 

Sophia shakes her head, hands moving to grip the edge of the sink. “No… I left you behind.” 

Alice laughs, tilts her head to the side. “ _ You thought it would be that easy? That you could just leave this life behind? _ ” She shakes her head. “ _ We both know you miss it. Miss the blood, miss the… intimacy. _ ” Sophia shakes her head, knuckles going white with how hard she’s gripping the sink. “ _ You don’t have to forget it - forget me. We can be the same person Sophia. _ ” 

“I don’t want to be you.” Sophia spits back. Alice only smiles. 

She’s suddenly staring at her scared face. Eyes wide, pupils blown, mouth hung open, breath ragged. Sweat beads down her forehead, mixes with the fresh tears on her cheeks. Anger over takes her, a scream rips from her lunges and suddenly the mirror is broken. Shards are scattered into the sink, on the floor, in her knuckles. Blood drips from her fingers as she stares at them, coats her palm, runs down her arm.  _ We both know you miss it. Miss the blood, miss the... intimacy.  _

Alice wasn’t wrong. 

-

Sophia knew it would be impossible to keep what had happened a secret. Angela had been nice, patched her up. But as soon as she walked out of her office, Athena sounded in her coms. “Report to Commander Reyes office.” 

And here she was, standing in front of his desk while he sifted through paperwork. It was silent, quiet, only the ticking of the clock on the wall. She stood at attention, just like Jesse showed her how to in front of the Commander. She’d enter his office and he’d only told her to stand there, nothing else was spoken. And so she waited, waited to be reprimanded, waited to be yelled at. But it never came, just an overbearing silence. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Should she apologize for what she did? Would he kick her out for breaking a mirror? Would she have to pay for it? Of course she’d have to pay for it, she is the one who  _ smashed _ it. 

Reyes lets out a heavy sigh and she snaps to attention. “Stop fidgeting,” he says, “you’re not in trouble.” When he looks at her, his eyes are tired. Dark pools of many sleepless nights. His lips quirk into a small smile and he motions for her to come closer. She obeys, moves just inches from the desk. “Let me see.” 

She holds out her hand, a bead of sweat forming on her brow. The white bandage that was applied only moments ago is now tinged with red. Angela had told her to change it three times daily until it healed. “Angela’s cruel,” Reyes says as he examines her hand, “opting to not give you bio emitter treatment.” Sophia’s not even sure what that means. 

“I’m fine with the scars,” she finally says, her voice shakey her than she’d like. Reyes is an imposing figure. He’s tall, all dark skin and scars. He could crush her hand, she’s sure of that. But something else stirs in her. _Alice._ _He’s just like Grey isn’t he? Took you from your home, told you he was your boss._ Sophia pushes the voice away. _Doesn’t he deserve something more from you?_

Reyes clears his throat, his eyes staring into hers. “Make sure to keep this clean, and I’ve changed your living quarters. We were to travel back to Spain, but something else has come up so I’ve given you a proper room.” He released her hand and Sophia pulls it away like she’s been burned. Reyes seems to only think on it for a minute. “McCree can help you find it.” 

She nods and retreats to the door, too quickly. She can feel Alice pulling her back, beckoning her to stay in that room. Her heart throbs in her chest, beats, feels like it’s going to explode. She’s never been so happy to see McCree when she finally steps out into the hall. 

“McCree!” She calls out to him, her heart fluttering when he turns and smiles at her.  _ This is bad _ , she thinks,  _ very bad. _

-

Her new room is in the same corridor as McCree and Genji. It’s farther into the complex than her other room, and would require more walking to reach everything in base. Jesse tells her it’s to keep Blackwatch agents away from Overwatch agents. “They’re uptight,” he had said, “follow the books.” 

Sophia hasn’t officially been released for missions yet. She’d done a briefing with someone shortly after arriving, a Commander Morrison, and had told him everything she knew. It wasn’t until later that she’d learned they’d decided to keep her off the mission list. She couldn’t blame them, had actually smiled when she’d learned she didn’t have to go back there. But she wonders what they did, how they handled it. 

The new room is bigger and the bed is definitely comfier as she lays on it. It even has a name plate on the outside with her last name,  _ Gretzky. _ She hadn’t heard that name in a long time. McCree sits on a small two seater couch that was in the room. It’s covered in dust, but he doesn’t seem to mind. “Care if I smoke in here?” He asks and she shakes her head. 

“As long as I can have one.” He goes to hand her a cigarette and she shakes her head. “Give me the big kid stuff.” Jesse laughs, a throaty wholesome thing, but he gives her the cigar. It’s heavy on her lips but that doesn’t bother her. Neither does the smoke as it fills her lungs. Jesse smokes earthy cigars and she wonders if he imports them. He probably does.

_ “Papa,” Sophia looks up at him from where she stands in the middle of the kitchen, “Papa watch me.” He’s sitting at the kitchen table, flipping through the newspaper. The smoke from his cigarette filters into the air, lays a blanket of fog in the air.  _

_ Sophia twirls on her tiptoes. She spins, dances, moves to a beat that isn’t even there. But it’s perfect nonetheless. He watches her with half lidded smokey eyes. His lips tighten around the cigarette as he smiles and sets the paper down. “Very good Sophia.” He says, his voice raspy from the smoke. “Now do it again for Papa.”  _

_ And she does. She always does.   _

-

Jesse leans over her and gently takes the cigar from her fingers. She stirs in her sleep, almost like she can feel him there and maybe she can. He makes a mistake, brushes his fingers across her cheek. She sighs, a comforting sound and turns her head away from him. She curls in on herself and that’s when he notices the bandage. 

He kicks himself internally for not noticing it. How could he have missed it? What had she done? Is that why Reyes had given her an official room? Jesse remembers his first week, his first month, the mirror in his bathroom. Had she broken hers like he did his? He’d taken the glass though, taken the scars, the pain. He was tough, was forced to be. But Sophia kept showing signs of weakness, of a girl who’s life was taken from her. 

Jesse’s has been to, but he’d come to terms with it. He’d welcomed Blackwatch and everything it had to offer. Saw it as a job, an  _ official _ job. He wanted to believe they did good. That they were trying to bring peace. Deadlock was never going to be that. 

He stares down at her, something in his stomach flutters. 

_ You’re falling hard Jesse. _

-

It’s midnight when Sophia finally wakes. There’s a blanket over her and Jesse’s smell lingers in the air. He’s gone when she turns and looks at the couch. He probably left hours ago. Tucked her into bed, put out her cigar and left. It’s the right thing to do and she actually smiles at the thought. 

She’s not sure what brings her to the cafeteria. Maybe it was the way her hand hurt when she tried to go back to sleep. Or the way her Papa’s music played in her ears. Or maybe it was Grey’s fingers, running across her skin and Alice’s voice dancing on the walls. But here she was, staring at an empty dark room. 

Moonlight sifted in through the open windows, pooled on the floor. She’d never been able to move this freely before, never been able to do as she liked. But no one was stopping her as she went and stood at the window. No one was here to judge her, tell her what to do. Right now she could be free. She could stare out this window for hours and no one would pull her away. There wasn’t a client waiting for her, no business to attend to. 

_ There’s a stash of candy under the toaster. _

She didn’t notice the red glow until she was right on top of it,  _ literally. _ She rounded the corner of the kitchen island and her foot caught on something. Something metal and glowing an ominous red. She didn’t reach the ground, strong hands coming out to catch her. “Sorry.” Came the robotic voice she’d come to know as Genji. 

She straightened herself and noticed he had the cupboard underneath the toaster open, a bag of candy settled into his lap. “Mind if I join you?” He shook his head and Sophia took a seat next to him. “Can’t sleep?” She asked, reaching her hand into the bag, finding something chocolatey.

“Most nights.” Was the reply she got. Genji had his mask off and she noted this was the first time she’d actually seen his entire face. It was scarred, looked burned almost. His jaw and bottom lip were gone, replaced by something synthetic.  

Sophia stared up at the ceiling, “me either.” 

It was silent for awhile, just the sound of the bag rustling everytime they dove into it. Sophia came to find that Genji liked overly sour candies. He said it was something about the sensors on his tongue but she watched how his mouth screwed up tight every time he popped one into his mouth. 

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t think you could eat.” Sophia said suddenly, enjoying a chocolate bar. 

Genji laughed at that, “You are just never at breakfast when I am.” He looked down at the bag and Sophia’s eyes gazed over at him. “Dr. Ziegler did very good work.” There was a soft smile on his lips and she swore he sighed. 

“You like her.” Genji might have been part machine, but his cheeks lit up. 

He stammered, moving his body to turn completely toward her. The bag of candy fell, pieces rolling across the tiled floor. “That is an absurd assumption.” 

Sophia laughed, “It’s written all over your face Genji.” 

He huffed a sigh and turned away, hands going to clean up the mess he’d made. “How could anyone like a body like this.” 

“Dr. Ziegler doesn’t seem like the type of woman to care too much about appearances and besides,” she reached out than, fingers moving to smooth over his cheek, “I don’t see anything wrong.” 

He stared at her for a long time. His mouth was pulled into a tightline, eyes roaming, searching for something.  “I am not even human.” It was a whisper, a sad sound coming from his throat. Sophia wondered if he could cry; if he would. 

She moved her hand, ran it down his chest. “But you still have the heart of a man.” It was there, beating, keeping him alive. 

Sophia had never seen Genji look sad. He only ever looked angry. His eyes were always thinking, always seeing something in front of him. He was always reliving something, more than likely the events of what led to his injuries. And right now, Sophia witnessed it all shatter. She watched the tears that came from his eyes, felt them fall onto her hand. “Humans cry too.” She whispered and his hand came up to grip hers. 

“It’s not fair.” Is all he said. It was a mangled cry, like all the frustration he was feeling was coming out. 

She wanted to ask more, wanted to know what had happened, but she knew Genji would tell her in time. When he was ready to let it all go, he would tell her. For now, she’d sit here with him. Listen to his cries, feel his heartbeat and enjoy the silence of the night. 


	5. First Missions Are The Hardest

When she’s briefed for the mission, she’s reassured its a simple recon mission. They are to fly into Iraq, scope out a mining operation in the south and report back with details. Word is out that an unknown organization is mining for resources to fund Something big. Blackwatch doesn’t know what it is. 

Moira outfits her with her new weapons, two pistols and a combat knife. “One has your blood in the bullets, the other is regular live rounds,” she explains as Sophia tests the weight of the pistol in her hand. “Instead of having you come here and me taking blood every time,” she continues, “I’ve had them specially outfit these bullets for you.” 

She holds one up to her, shows her the flat end of it. “This hole here,” she explains, pointing to the small hole near the base, “is for your teeth. Puncture the hole, let the blood flow into it and the nanites will seal it.”

It brings Sophia  _ some _ comfort knowing she doesn’t have to attack everyone with her blood. But it also brings her a weird pleasure, knowing her blood is inside these little capsules. “Does the gun fire normally?” 

Moira nods, “Of course. It will be like firing the training pistols you’ve been using with McCree.” 

Before they leave on the mission, she test fires the guns. The one without blood fires normally, no hindrance. The other gun is much the same, except for the smear of blood it leaves behind on the dummies forehead. She gets an odd joy at seeing it. She pushes it down. 

She hasn’t flown in an aircraft since the day she was brought to the Swiss HQ. Her stomach clenches as she straps in next to Genji and she grips the hand rest a little too tightly. “First time is always the worst,” Genji says, taking hold of her hand, “after take off it’s smooth.” 

Sophia likes to think her and Genji have gotten closer. She gets up when he does, making sure to make it to breakfast on time. They spend the early hours of the morning talking on the roof over coffee and stolen candy. He’s warmed up, smiles more. He hasn’t talked about home, about what happened. But Sophia knows he eventually will. 

McCree stares at them from across the ship and Sophia smiles at him. She sees something flash across his face before he looks away. Was he…  _ jealous _ ? She stifled a laugh just as the aircraft takes off. Her stomach flips, she feels bile rising, but manages to push it all down. 

Her grip on Genji’s hand has to be unbearably tight, but she wonders if he can even feel it. If it even hurts. It probably doesn’t. 

-

Iraq is warm, sandy and Sophia is not prepared for the heat. Someone gives her a hat with a visor and she quickly slips it on. She pulls her ponytail through the back and actually sighs as the shade takes over her face. 

“Someone shoulda briefed us on how god damn fucking hot it was going to be,” Simmon’s says, “not all of us have been all over the world.”

Sophia hasn’t had an extreme amount of time training with her teammates, but she has there names down, and that has to count for something. Commander Reyes had wanted her to get more training with the team, but multiple people were on leave or away on missions. So she had to settle with just Genji, Jesse and Simmons. 

Simmons is nice, he’s a bulky tall dark skinned guy. He thinks he’s funny, but really he’s not. But Sophia always laughs at his jokes. 

“Was in the missions details,” Genji says, closing the visor over his eyes. 

“Who reads those?” Simmons says, glancing at the group of agents. “Exactly.” Genji shrugs and walks toward base. Recon Team Alpha consists of Agents, McCree, Shimada, Gretzky, Simmons, Mills and Sanchez. McCree leads the team. 

Sophia hasn’t had enough time to get to know Mills or Sanchez, but Genji has went over combat scenarios with her. The good thing about being in an organization as advanced as Blackwatch, is that the A.I. system logs there combat data. The training hall is able to make near combat carbon copies of each agent. 

Mills is the communications expert, he deals with the comms, listens in on enemy chatter and blocks anything that doesn’t need to be there. Sanchez is there rifleman. Sophia hasn’t seen her in action, but Genji’s told her that Sanchez never misses a target. Simmons is there shield, if they need him. Otherwise, he’s close quarters combat. McCree is there sharpshooter and Genji is surveillance. She hadn’t believed it at first, that someone almost entirely made of metal could be silent, but Genji had proved her wrong. 

“I’ma meet with the Overwatch Captain here while y'all get settled into the Blackwatch tent.” McCree says as he lights a cigar and makes his way for the command tent. 

The Blackwatch tent looks like it was thrown up moments ago and maybe it was. Sophia knows that Overwatch agents have a distaste for Blackwatch agents. They do the dirty work, get there hands covered in blood. And even though this is Sophia's first mission, she’s already covered in blood. Maybe just as much as the rest of them. She wonders what they look like to other people. She pushes the thought aside. 

“I call this bed,” Mills says, throwing his gear down on the bed nearest to the back. 

“So you can  have some  _ alone time _ ?” Sanchez says, picking the cot next to Sophia. 

Mills scoffs, “Maybe if you were better lookin’, I would  _ need _ some alone time.” That grants Mills a pillow in his face. Sanchez throws it with such force that Mills actually stumbles back and over his bed, falling out the back of the tent. 

“Don’t listen to him ladies,” Simmons says, giving a playfully wink, “he’s just blind.” 

“We’ve been working together for five years, I know how blind he is.” Sanchez says, turning toward Sophia. “If he gives you trouble, just shoot him.” 

Sophia nods and tries her best to smile. Social interaction wasn’t her strong suit. That’s why she wasn’t there communicator. She wasn’t even fluent in anything but English. Sanchez could speak Spanish, Latin, Arabic  _ and _ English. And she can’t even count on one hand all the languages Mills knows. But he  _ is _ the communicator. 

“Alrighty,” McCree says as he enters the tent. Sophia isn’t sure how much time has passed since they touched down here, but Jesse’s almost finished with his cigar. “So the mining facility is a few clicks south from here. A truck will take us within three miles, were we’ll have to walk. Boss wants us to get a drone or two up and in the air to get surveillance. We’ll do that first thing tomorrow mornin’.” 

The rest of the day is spent checking gear and chatting with the Overwatch agents around the base. Genji chats with the fields expert, tries to get the lay of the Mining Facility. Sophia spends most of the day in the tent, checking over her pistols. Simmons shows her how to take it apart and clean it. By the time dinner is called, she’s mastered how to take it apart and put it back together in less than a minute. Simmons is sure that’s a record. 

Sophia waits for everyone else to get a plate of food before she grabs hers. She makes sure everyone is deep into conversation before stalking away with her food. Her entire stay at the Swiss HQ has mostly been either alone, or with Genji. Social anxiety still creeps up into her chest and conversation makes her hands sweat. So she goes just outside of camp and finds a nice rock to sit on. 

Someone's made stew and she’s surprised to see it tastes really good. Overwatch probably airdrops supplies the team needs. Or they travel the thirty miles into town to get what they need. McCree had said these people had been stationed here for years, so maybe they were deep undercover and in good with the townspeople. 

“Sittin’ out here alone?” She’s startled by the sudden voice behind her and drops her spoon into her soup. 

“Jesus christ,” she says, turning to see Jesse standing behind her, bowl in hand, “just needed some air is all.” 

Jesse laughs, “Sorry to scare ya darlin’.” 

He takes a seat next to her and it’s quiet for awhile. He doesn’t say anything and Sophia is honestly happy about that. She likes the silence. Likes listening to the sounds around her. And the  _ sky _ . Out here where there is hardly any other light besides the camp, the stars are brighter than she’s ever seen. They dot the sky like grains of sand and she wishes she could reach out and touch them. 

They don’t say anything, a peaceful silence settling between them. Sophia is sure Jesse wants to say something, but he doesn’t. They finish their food in silence and eventually make their way back to camp to wash off the dishes. Then they return to the tent. Sophia settles into bed quickly, not wanting to participate in the card game everyone else is playing. 

She dreams of home.

Morning comes quickly. An Overwatch agent guides them to the washroom, which is an actual working bathroom. It’s in a metal container and she wonders where they get the water, but doesn’t ask. She quickly cleans up, grabs her gear and waits by the truck for everyone else. 

“This’ll be easy,” Simmons says, tossing his gear into the back of the truck, “just gotta throw up some drones and then we’ll be homebound.” 

Nothing can really prepare her for what happens next. For the onslaught of missiles that rain down on the camp from above. Simmons grabs her, throws her out of the way just as a missile hits the truck. “Simmons!” She shouts, makes a run for the truck but is blown backward by a second missile. 

She can’t hear anything but a dull ringing in her ears and screams. They’re faint, but she can hear them. Someone's shouting next to her, maybe it’s Simmons. She cant move. Shock. The nanites in her body are working overtime, trying to repair the damage that was done by the knock back. She can feel them moving toward her legs and she suddenly realizes she can’t feel them. 

Someone is calling her name, but all sound is slowly fading away until she’s left with only her own thoughts. The first thought she has is that there is no pain. The second thought is that she was told this would be easy. The last thought she has before the darkness takes her, is that McCree is a liar. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Denny and Zambie


	6. Will You Love Me?

McCree burns through his second cigar before command gets back with him. He’s pacing back and forth, demanding answers, demanding back up. Reyes is trying to calm him down, but it’s honestly a useless effort. McCree cares too much, always has. And now he’s a man down and Sophia is unconscious and he can’t even tend to her wounds. 

“Don’t touch her,” Genji had said after placing her in the back of the truck, “her blood is very toxic.” 

He had stared at her for a second, just a second. That’s all it took to see that her legs were fucked. This whole thing was  _ fucked _ . No one was even supposed to know this camp was here. It’s hidden, tucked up against the mountains. And even than, there is no Overwatch logo anywhere on the camp and if asked, it’s just a research camp from the local college. 

Right now he’s tapping his foot against the floor, maybe hoping the makeshift building they’re holed up in will collapse in on him. “I need evac  _ now _ Reyes!” He spits into the communicator. 

“I have a team leaving right now McCree, eta 30 minutes.” It’s not good enough, but it has to be. Jesse knows that, knows he needs to keep his cool. He has fifty people hiding out in this building with him, some soldiers, most just second hand agents. The Iraq job was never supposed to be hard. Most of these people have never seen war, have never killed another human being. 

He remembers their faces as the bombs hit. As people died. The camp was filled with screams and than gunfire as masked men flooded the camp. McCree wasn’t even sure how they survived, how he’d managed to only lose a dozen men. Simmons among them. Simmons was  _ dead _ . His body not even recoverable among the explosion. 

Jesse looks over at Sophia, looks at the peaceful expression she’s making as she sleeps. Genji is with her, his right arm completely gone. Wires hang from it and Jesse wonders if it hurts, but he doesn’t ask. Genji would lie anyway. “Evac in 30,” he says instead, “everyone be ready to board that ship as soon as it gets here.”

-

Blood. It’s everywhere. Someone is carrying her, dragging her through the sand. A gunshot, blood splashes across her face and than she’s suddenly dropped. Cold metal fingers press against her neck, check her pulse. She tries to open her eyes, but the nanites lull her back into a dream state. She can’t be awake right now, can’t feel the pain. They’ll keep her asleep until it’s time to wake. 

It’s dark when she opens her eyes. Everything is hazy, the beeping next to her overly loud. She reaches a hand for it, knocks something over. A cart, supplies fall to the ground. 

“Sophia,” a voice, Angela, calls out, “let me help you.” She blinks a few times until Dr. Ziegler comes into focus. She watches as Angela turns the monitor off and gives a soft thank you when the beeping stops. “How is your pain?”

Sophia tries to sit up, when she fails, Angela helps her. She raises the bed and puts a pillow behind her. “I don’t feel anything,” Sophia says after a moment, “I’ve never experienced this extreme of trauma. I guess the nanites took over.”

Dr. Ziegler nods, “Yes, that is exactly what happened. You experienced some heavy trauma to your legs when the missile hit near you. But thankfully, the nanites have almost completely healed the wound.” 

Sophia moves the blanket that’s over here and see’s the bandages that are over her legs. “Can… can I see?” 

The doctor nods and moves to help Sophia out of the bandages. They are heavily covered in blood, so Angela wears gloves and carefully removes them. The first thing Sophia notices is that her legs don’t look like they’ve just been blown up. There is very minimal scarring and she wonders for a second where all of that blood came from. 

Something over takes her as she recalls the event. Recalls the explosion, the feeling of not being able to move. The splash of warm blood that coated her face, the cold fingers against her neck. She could have died,  _ should _ have died. “Sophia.” Angela speaks softly and when Sophia looks over at her, she sees her arms extended. 

The embrace is warm, welcoming and Sophia melts into it. She cries, loud sobs coming from her chest. Angela holds her tight, tighter than a doctor should. But for that moment, Sophia feels loved, she feels safe. She’s not sure how long she stays that way, but she knows that at some point, Angela crawls into the bed with her and holds her until she falls back asleep. 

She dreams of nothing. 

-

She’s in the med bay for two more days before she’s released. Genji is the only person who comes to see her and she tries not to seem disappointed in that fact. She’s put on medical leave for a week and soon, Genji is sent back out to Iraq. McCree goes with him. The whole of Alpha team goes, along with team Beta. It’s an extermination mission, black ops. 

She’s not hurt by the Commander's decision to exclude her, she knows now that she wouldn’t have been ready for something like that. Genji promises to train with her when he gets back. 

The Swiss HQ is buzzing, but at the same time quiet. She finds herself wondering the halls, looking for  _ something _ . And that something comes unexpectedly. It hits her like a rush and it carries her before she can stop it. 

“You can’t just ignore this Gabriel!” She hears Moira shout as she heads back to her room after getting dinner. “You are  _ dying _ !” 

Sophia doesn’t mean to lurk outside the Commander's office, but she does. “I don’t have time for this,” she hears Reyes says, “there are more important matters at stake.”

“More important than your health? You hired me to  _ fix _ what  _ they _ did to you!” She hears Reyes sigh and something is thrown, glass breaks. “I warned you.” 

The door to the Commander’s office suddenly opens and Moira rushes out. She seems to either not notice Sophia is standing there, or just ignores the fact that she is. Sophia suddenly feels overwhelmed with that fact that she’s just heard a conversation that was highly confidential. 

“I know you’re out there.” The breath of air she wasn’t aware she was holding comes out in a huff. “Come in.” 

Sophia is tense, muscles tight as she enters Commander Reyes’ office. “Sir, I’m sor-.”

Reyes holds up a hand, “If you forget you heard anything, so will I.” His tone of voice is relaxed, calm. So Sophia forces her muscles to relax. “Would you do a favor for me?” Reyes suddenly asks. 

“Sir?” Sophia steps closer as Reyes leans back and opens a drawer on his desk. He places a rather large bottle of whiskey in front of himself and pulls out two glasses. 

“Humor me with a drink?” Sophia isn’t sure if she should say no, or if she wants to for that matter. This week has made it on her top ten list of shitty weeks and that Whiskey is looking like the best thing in her life. “Off the record of course,” Reyes says with a smile and Sophia actually laughs. 

“How could I say no to Whiskey?” 

At first, they drink in silence. It’s a peaceful silence. Once each of them is two glasses in, the buzz sets in and so does the chatter. They talk about the mission, about what went wrong. Reyes tells her about Talon, the terrorist organization he thinks was behind the attack. Three drinks in and he tells her about his worries, about the men he lost. Four drinks in and he tells her about McCree. About how he found him and raised him and feels like his own son. 

Five drinks in Sophia knows they should stop, but neither of them does. There is a need in the air, an unspoken want that both of them wants fulfilled. And maybe if they drink enough, the boundaries between them won’t matter. Her brain doesn’t work when she’s this intoxicated. She can’t keep Alice out, can’t keep Alice’s  _ wants  _ and  _ needs _ at bay. 

“Sir,” Sophia says, taking a sip from her sixth glass, “what was Dr. O'Deorain talking to you about?”

Reyes looks over the top of his glass as he takes another drink. “Thought I said if you’d forget that, I would to.” She doesn’t say anything, waits for him to finish his drink. She stares at him, crosses an arm over her chest and he frowns. “It’s… I’m sick.” He doesn’t say anymore as he pours another glass. 

The bottle is almost empty when Sophia goes to refill her glass. She can feel Reyes’ eyes on her, can feel the tension in the air.  _ It’s okay, _ Alice says,  _ he wants it too. _ There is a sliver of doubt in her mind as she rounds the desk and stands in front of him. It disappears as soon as his hands touch her. 

He turns his chair and pulls her down into it. There lips meet in a heated, needy kiss that leaves Sophia breathless. She doesn’t realize how badly she missed this until her body explodes with need. She feels hot all over as Reyes devours her mouth. His hands cup her ass, knead the meat of it through her sweats. It’s suddenly too much and not enough at the same time. 

The buzz of the alcohol heightens all of her senses and all that exists in this moment is Gabriel. 

She grinds down into him and is pleased to feel she’s not the only one excited. Sophia knows part of this is Alice, that she’s not completely in control right now, but at the same time, she doesn’t care. She revels in the way Reyes cups her ass with one hand and grabs her hair with the other. He forces her to tilt her head so he can get better access to her neck. He peppers it with kisses, bites the flesh of her shoulder to rouse a moan out of her. 

He lifts her, places her back against the desk and covers her. The desk creaks, but neither of them care as his hands work to remove her sweats. His fingers slide beneath her underwear, tease her lips. He rubs his thumb against her clit as he slides a singer finger inside her. “Fuck,” Sophia moans as he slowly plays with her. 

“Already so wet,” Reyes whispers in her ear as he sticks another finger in, “you want me that bad?” 

All Sophia can do is nod as the air leaves her lungs as another finger is pushed inside her. Gabriel's mouth doesn’t leave her neck as his fingers tease and thrust into her. His fingers are big, but not nearly enough to satisfy the need that’s pooling in her stomach. 

“Please,” she finally says, “please just-.” Her words are cut off as Gabriel removes his fingers from her pussy. She whines, but is soon silenced by his mouth. His hands work at her underwear, pulling them off and tossing them to the floor. She hears the clatter of his belt as it hits the floor and his zipper as his pants are undone. 

He doesn’t undress all the way, doesn’t even bother pulling his pants down as he presses against her. His erection slides against her lips and she almost shouts at the friction. The head of his cock hits against her clit and she whines into his mouth. “Impatient,” he says. His voice is heady, darker, heavier and it makes her shiver. 

When he slides in, she has to cover her mouth to hold back the sounds that want to escape. He’s bigger than anything she’s ever handled, but it’s not too much. He feels  _ just right _ , fits perfectly inside her. He stills for only a moment to allow her to stretch and then he’s thrusting into her. 

He starts a steady rhythm, hands moving to grip her hips as she wraps her arms around his neck. “Fuck,” he groans out and buries his face in the crook of her shoulder. He’s shaking, muscles tense as he thrusts into her. 

A particular thrust forces a shout from her throat and Gabriel covers her mouth with his hand as he continues to hit that spot. She arches into him, moans muffled as he brings her to climax. It’s like nothing she’s felt before. Her orgasm explodes her senses, causes her to shout into his hand as it over takes her. She grabs at Gabriel with her hands, holds onto him as she comes down from the high. 

It only takes him a few more thrusts until he’s coming. He pulls out just before and Sophia watches his face through lidded eyes. She’s sure that as soon as he opens his eyes, he’s going to tell her to get out. 

But that’s not what happens. 

When Gabriel opens his eyes, all Sophia can see is sadness. She sees grief, guilt, and a hint of something else. He doesn’t tell her to get out, he doesn’t say a single thing. Instead, he picks her up in his arms and carries her to his room, which is conveniently attached to his office. He carries her to the bathroom, sets her down on the toilet and starts the bath. 

Sophia is confused, opens her mouth a few times, but nothing comes out. Saying something now wouldn’t benefit anyone. Gabriel looks at her like he needs this, like he needs  _ someone _ . So Sophia stays. She gets into the bath with him and lets him take care of her. She lets him have exactly what he wants, what he  _ needs _ . 

_ Be what he needs, _ Alice says,  _ you owe him that much. _

Sophia obeys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Denny and Zambie


	7. The Secrets We Keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a day late on this update, sorry!

Gabriel wakes first and instantly makes his way to the bathroom. He knows it's coming before he feels it. As soon as he makes it to the sink, he feels the bile rise in his throat. Blood comes out in black clumps, falls into the sink and tries to go down the drain. 

He looks at himself in the mirror. Sees the dark circles around his eyes, the blood that's fresh on his lips and throws up some more into the sink. 

He feels the hand on his back before he hears Sophia enter the bathroom. “What can I do?” Is all she says and Reyes lifts his head to look at her though the mirror. 

She's pulled on one of his shirts and it's massive on her. It's a nice look, he thinks, before he's coughing up more blood. Sophia leaves, and he wonders where she goes before she returns with a glass of water. “Drink.” 

Her eyes are stern, hold him there as he takes the glass. Its instant relief as the cool liquid pours down his throat and his body instantly relaxes. She stands there until he's finished the glass and takes it back from him. She pulls him back into the room, sets the cup on the nightstand and sets him down on the bed. 

Gabriel can tell she's trying to decide whether to stay or leave. She glances at the clock and he follows her gaze. It's only four in the morning, there's still time for sleep.

He doesn't want her to go. He wants her here,  _ needs _ her here. It's strange, he thinks, to want someone as badly as he wants her. Maybe it's just the idea of Sophia that entices him so. The idea of having someone here who  _ cares _ . 

She looks back at him and raises a questioning brow. “Stay.” Is all he says. And it's enough. Sophia climbs back into bed with him, and he holds her, holds her like he'll never let her go. 

-

Sophia wakes just before nine. Reyes is gone, probably in his office attending to work. She can hear his voice through the door. There is a very heavy smell of coffee in the air and she turns to see a cup placed on the nightstand. 

_ I have put your clothes in the dryer. _

_ Should be done by nine. _

_ -R _

Almost on queue, a beep sounds behind a door near the bed. She gets up and finds the Commander has a nice little laundry room hidden away in his closet.  _ Can't do laundry with us agents _ , she thinks with a laugh. 

She pulls on her clothes and goes back into Gabriel's room and retrieves her coffee. She'll have to return to her room to brush her teeth, but she assumes the coffee will be a good cover until then. She doesn't know when is a good time to leave his room. 

Sophia thinks she could exit through the door that leads to the main hall, but someone might see her. She could go through his office, but what if he's in a meeting? She sighs and takes a sip of the coffee. It's sweet and she's surprised to find he's added her favorite creamer. 

A beep sounds next to her and she realizes Gabriel has placed her communicator on the nightstand. 

**From: Commander Reyes**

I can hear you moving around in there. The coast is clear. 

She laughs and places her communicator back in her pocket and heads for the door. 

Gabriel is sitting at his desk, coffee in one hand and his halo tablet in the other. His desk is a mess with papers and files and things that Sophia probably shouldn’t try to snoop at. 

“Sleep well?” Gabriel asks without looking away from his halo tablet. 

Sophia takes a seat in front of his desk, “I did. And you?” He looks up from the tablet this time, his eyes focusing in on her coffee and not her. “I’m not going to ask about last night or this morning.” 

All the tension in Gabriel’s body seems to melt as he sinks back into his chair. “Thanks.” Sophia tips her coffee at him and takes another sip. 

“I should get back to my room,” Sophia says as she stands, “but Commander, I’m here if you need someone.” 

All he does is nod as she walks out. 

-

Commander Reyes calls on her again far sooner than she’d expected. 

It’s late into the night when her communicator buzzes. She’s sluggish, sleep still trying to overtake her when she answers the call. She’s out of her bed, dressed and heading down the hall in record speed.

Commander Reyes room is two hallways from hers, which usually takes five minutes. She gets there in exactly 40 seconds. All she has to do is slide her hand over the scanner and the door slides open for her. She doesn’t question it. 

Gabriel is doubled over the sink. The white is completely covered in blood. “Gabriel,” she begins, but isn’t sure what to say, “let me get Dr. O’Deorain.” 

“N-” Is all he gets out before more blood spills from his mouth. He looks at her through the mirror and all he does is nod. Sophia looks into those dark eyes and see’s fear. She’s never seen her Commander scared before, but here he is, scared. He’s afraid of death. 

She runs down the halls towards Moira’s room, trying to be as silent as possible. The doctor roused from sleep fast, like she was expecting this exact day to come. Maybe she was. She had warned Gabriel this was happening. 

Together, they bring Gabriel to the medbay. Moira watches the halls as Sophia helps him walk. He feels light, she assumes the nanobots in her body as accommodating to the extra weight. Moira quickly places him in a bed, hooks him up to the monitors and tries to hurry Sophia out of the room. “This is top secret,” she begins and Gabriel finishes with, “I want her here.” 

So here Sophia sits, against the wall on a stool, her foot tapping against the floor while Moira works. She doesn’t dare look, not when Moira has tools in him, her gloves covered in blood. It doesn’t look normal, almost like black tar. She feels like throwing up, almost thinks she might, but she swallows it all down. She’s seen blood before, cut people open, this shouldn’t affect her as much as it does. 

It takes Dr. O’Deorain exactly two hours to stop the bleeding, to stop exactly what is causing it. When she finishes, she throws her gloves away, washes her hands and pulls a stool up next to Sophia. 

“He won’t listen to me,” she says, pinching the bridge of her nose, “he’s dying and won’t let me give him treatment.” 

Sophia stares at him from across the room, watches the peaceful expression on his face as he sleeps. “What exactly is wrong?” 

“This is all highly confidential information and you must know that if you tell anyone, you will be terminated.” When Sophia nods, Moira continues. “Gabriel was apart of the Soldier Enhancement Program that took place some time ago. This program genetically altered his body to make him stronger, faster, a super soldier if you will.” She pauses for a moment. “There were…  _ side effects _ to this program that Gabriel was made aware of. But nothing really prepared him for them. His body has began rejecting treatment, after all these years, and the nanobots are attacking his body from the inside.” 

Moira sighs and leans back against the wall, stares at the ceiling. “Overwatch fired me a few years ago and Commander Reyes rehired me. For awhile, he was cooperative. He let me test on him, draw blood, try to come up with a solution and now I think I’ve found one and he won’t let me try.” Moira looks over at her. “He’s taken a liking to you, try talking to him. At this rate, he has less than a year left.” 

-

Gabriel wakes four hours later. He can see the sun shining through the only window that's in the medbay and realizes he’s spent the entire night here. There’s a gentle weight on his leg and he’s shocked to see Sophia there. 

She’s sleeping, arms crossed over his legs as a makeshift pillow. He doesn’t know why he called her, why he’d pressed her number instead of Moira’s, but he had. And she’d came. She’d rushed to him in seconds and was by his side. He can remember the look of fear on her face as she came upon him. In a way, it made something in his stomach tighten. Someone had  _ cared  _ enough to be scared for him. And she was still here, had probably stayed the entire time, all because he’d asked her to. 

He was a fool, he knew that, for pulling her into this. But now that she was here, he didn’t want her to leave. He liked this feeling, like having someone. And he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to let it go. 


	8. Just Pull The Trigger

Sophia didn’t want to push Gabriel. Especially since when she asked about treatment, he’d shipped her off on a mission. She wasn’t entirely upset at that, she’d wanted to get more experience and training with Holo Dummies just wasn’t cutting it. 

“Something happened,” Genji says as Sophia boards the airship and buckles herself into her seat. 

She coily pulls out her holo tablet and pulls up an article. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Genji huffs at her and crosses his arms over his chest. “You can’t fool me.” Sophia pretends to ignore him and he huffs again. All she does is laugh. 

She was made very aware that everything with Gabriel is very top secret. The UN doesn’t even know, neither does Strike Commander Morrison. If word gets out, Gabriel will be removed from his position and no one wants that, especially Gabriel. In his words he’d said, “ _ I won’t let that mother fucker run my department. _ ” 

Sophia wasn’t about to go blab to everyone the events of what had transpired while everyone was away on a mission. But Genji wasn’t stupid and Sophia assumed he’d already pieced a theory together in his head. Sophia and Reyes were the only Blackwatch agents on base that entire week and Sophia did seem to be in a better mood. 

This also didn’t go unnoticed by Jesse, who had been keeping his distance. Something in Sophia’s heart tore when he’d brushed her off as she’d greeted them back. Maybe it was the way the Commander stood a little  _ too _ close. Maybe Jesse didn’t know and was brushing her off for something completely unrelated. She’d never know unless she asked and she wasn’t about to go and do that. 

-

The airship took them to Madagascar, where an Overwatch team awaited them.  The mission was infiltration. They were to infiltrate a party, get details on the local drug cartel and figure out who the man in charge was. 

That’s why Sophia found herself in an overly expensive dress, sipping wine that was too sweet and sampling all the desserts. “I don’t believe I’ve seen you here before,” someone said behind her. 

She turned and was pleased to see one of the targets had walked right up to her. “Olivia,” she said, extending her hand, “I’m a friend of Vincents.” 

“Jared,” the man said as he kissed the back of her hand, “Vincent has kept such an exquisite friend all to himself?” 

At that exact moment, Genji stepped up beside her. “Madam,” he said with a bow and Sophia gave a nod of her head. “My bodyguard,” she said, “you’ll have to excuse him.” 

“Maybe you’d perhaps like to talk somewhere more  _ private _ ?” Bingo. 

“Do you have a place in mind?” Sophia took another sip of her wine, giving the man a shy smile. 

“Of course, I have a room here at the hotel.” 

Sophia is sure all this man hoped for tonight was a nice good lay. And if it was the old Sophia, she might have given it to him. He wasn’t that old, early thirties, nice features. He would have been an ideal client. But right now, he’s not a client. 

“ _ Please _ ,” he begs as Sophia pulls out an expensive bottle of Whiskey from the mini fridge, “I don’t know anything!” She pours herself a glass and adds exactly three cubes of ice before turning back toward Jared. 

He’s tied very nicely to a chair that has been placed in the middle of the room. It had been too easy really, to get the man to agree to some bondage play. He’d practically begged for it until he’d realized his mistake. “You can’t lie to me,” she says as she takes a drink, “I used to work for the mob you know.” 

She reaches down and pulls up the skirt of her dress, revealing an arsenal of throwing knifes and a pistol attached to her thighs. “Please! I don’t-.” The first knife lands in his foot. A blood curdling scream tries to rip from his throat, but Sophia is quick to shove the man's tie into his mouth. 

“Shhh, none of that now.” She takes another drink and places the glass down. “Now, I’m gonna remove this and you’re gonna give me some good information, alright?” 

Jared nods and Sophia begins to remove the tie, only to hear another scream begin to start. She shoves the tie back into his mouth. The second knife lands in his right thigh. He screams, but it’s muffled by the tie. 

“Jesus Soph,” Genji says into her communicator, “you torturing the guy?” 

“Wasn’t that the plan?” She retorts, picking up her glass. 

“I think yer just too pretty for him to wanna talk,” McCree chimes in, “already got my guy to sing like a canary.” 

Sophia turns and looks back at Jared. “So what about my guy?” 

“He’s no longer needed.” McCree says and Sophia sighs and finishes her drink. 

She pulls out her pistol and gives Jared a sad smile. “Sorry hun, but bosses orders.” 

Jared frantically shakes in the chair and calls out, or at least tries to. Sophia spares him and pulls out the tie. “Wait! Please, I-” He gives out a sob, “They- You’re Alice Rose, right?” 

Sophia frowns. “How do you know about me way out here?” 

“You killed Grey, everyone heard about it. The bosses are mad-they’ve been looking for y-.” Sophia lands a silenced bullet between his eyes. 

She’s suddenly all too aware of the footsteps that are coming down the hall toward her. “McCree, I’ve been compromised.” 

“I heard. Genji is closest to you, he’s making his way up to your room and I’m behind him.” She hears McCree swear and then his comm goes off. 

Why are they still looking for her? That’s a stupid question, she knows that. The mafia put a lot of money into her, they think they own her. Of course after Grey’s death and her disappearance, everyone would be looking for her. They might have cut off the head of that particular establishment, but they didn’t cut  _ every _ head. 

The door suddenly bursts open and Sophia has exactly enough time to take out two men before the rest open fire. They must know about her recovery abilities if they’re willing to shoot at her like that. She kicks a table over and takes cover as they storm into the room. 

When she raises to take a shot, it’s almost as if time slows. She hyper focuses on the men closest to her and shoots them both between the eyes. She isn’t carrying her special pistol, honestly thinking she wouldn’t need it when they left the hotel room just hours ago. There is no margin for error. All of these shots have to kill. 

She’s surprised by her accuracy, actually feeling a headache as the men fall. She’s pushing herself, pushing the nanites to work harder than they ever have. And just when she thinks all the men are down, another steps into the room. Except this one is different. 

This one is a child. 

He’s holding an assault rifle and is raising it to fire. Sophia’s finger stills on the trigger. Why is there a child? Why is he holding a gun?  _ Why? _ She swallows and time freezes again.  _ Bang. _

-

They manage to cut the head off the snake two days later. Genji keeps asking if Sophia is okay, she always says yes. It’s better to not think at all, to block it out. 

She had to kill five more children before the mission ends.  _ Just pull the trigger _ , she kept telling herself. And it had worked. She hadn’t stilled, not again. 

When the airship lands back in Switzerland, Commander Reyes is waiting for them. They’re all ushered into a briefing room. McCree does most of the talking for them. He’s good at it, Sophia thinks. She’s not sure she could speak right now anyway. 

She’s so close to breaking. Teetering on the edge. 

They eat dinner in silence and Sophia excuses herself first. 

She finds herself standing in front of the Commander's room hours later. Her hand is raised to knock, but she doesn’t.  _ Teetering. _ She’s not surprised when the door opens on it’s own. He’s standing there, looking down at her, an expression on his face that she can’t read. 

“Make me forget.” He pulls her into the room and the door locks behind them. 

All at once she’s engulfed into everything that is Gabriel. She feels his hands on her hips, on her ass. Feels his muscles tighten as he lifts her against the door. And it’s all too much and she explodes. She tips over the edge and sobs. Gabriel kisses her through it. 

He holds her close, presses kisses to her cheeks, licks away her tears. And he makes her forget. Makes her forget the children, the dead expression in their eyes as she shot them. Makes her forget that they are still looking for her, that no matter where she goes, someone somewhere has control over her. 

Right now, she gives everything up to Gabriel. She submits to his touches, lets him worship her. Because this is what she needs. And Gabriel knows. 

Because this is what he needs too. 


	9. A Fool's Wish

Sophia is woken up to a knock on her door at exactly 7am. It’s early,  _ way _ too early on a weekend for someone to be wanting her. Gabriel would have called her or sent her a message, he’d never come straight to her room. 

She grabs her robe from where it hangs next to the door and slips it on. “Yes?” She says as the door opens. 

“Mornin’.” The last thing she expected was McCree. The very man that’s been avoiding her for weeks. Ever since the mission to Madagascar, he’s kept his distance. He’d only spoken to her if it was mission related. 

She leans against the door frame, arms crossed over her chest. “Something I can help you with Agent McCree?”

He frowns at the use of his last name. “Get dressed. We got a mission. Meet me in the loading bay in 30 minutes.” 

“I didn’t get any briefing.” She questions, standing up straight now. 

McCree shifts from one foot to the other. “I’ll brief you in the loading bay.” 

Sophia raises a brow, but decides to not question him anymore. She’s quick to shower and dress, making it the loading bay in 25 minutes. 

She scans the transports first, finding no sign of McCree. She asks an agent if they’ve seen him and they point her in the direction of where the employees keep their cars. And sure enough, McCree is leaning against the hood of a beat up looking pickup. 

McCree snubs out his cigar when he sees her, “Yer’ early.” 

“This does not look like a mission vehicle,” she questions, “now tell me exactly what is going on.” She crosses her arms over her chest and McCree sighs. 

“It’s not an official mission or anythin’ like that,” he says, “I just wanted to show you somethin’ off base.” 

Sophia laughs, “You avoid me for weeks and now you want to take me somewhere?” 

-

Jesse isn’t entirely sure what he’s doing. He feels stupid, like he’s throwing himself to the wolves. And maybe he is. Sophia is fierce, her green eyes staring right into him. “Just lemme take ya off base.” It’s a long shot, he knows that. 

He’d been avoiding her for weeks. But how could he not? It’s no secret, the rumor that’s going around HQ. He’d even done some digging, shameful as it was, and found that certain nights she leaves to go to the Commander's room. He knows they’re up to something, but dares not question it, because how could he? Gabriel could have him fired in the blink of an eye, or worse, Gabriel would get fired. 

“Fine.” She finally says and hops in the passenger seat. 

He wishes he could read her better. She’s not the scared girl he’d met that first night. Sophia has grown, hardened, became a true Blackwatch agent. Sometimes that scares him. 

The drive into town isn’t long. It’s only half an hour. But it feels like forever. They sit in silence. Sophia lights a cigarette, something Jesse notices she does more frequently. Her eyes focus on the scenery, on the trees, the houses and the people they pass. He catches himself staring at her too often, tries not to. 

He wants to reach out and touch her, hold her. But he can’t. Not if she’s with Reyes. She’s untouchable. Unreachable. Something in his chest tightens.  _ Got in too deep. _

He pulls the car into a mostly empty parking lot next to a white building. “We’re here.”

“Where is here exactly?” Sophia asks as she steps out of the car. 

He watches the way her eyes glow in the sun, how her skin glints because it’s just a touch too hot. “You’ll see when we get inside.” 

Jesse leads her inside the building and waves at a young woman at the desk. “Jesse!” She smiles and hands him two visitor passes. “Wasn’t expecting to see you today!” She speaks in german and wonders if Sophia can understand her. “Who’s your friend?”

“Sophia,” he turns and sees Sophia smiling politely at the young woman, “Jesse has kept this entire thing a secret from me. What’s through those doors?” She speaks in perfect German and he wonders who taught her. 

The young woman smiles and hands her a pass, “If he’s kept it a secret, I most certainly can’t spill the details.” 

Jesse opens the door and motions for Sophia to follow. “Didn’ know you could speak German.” 

“Angela has been teaching me.” 

-

Sophia isn’t sure what to expect. The white building is unmarked. All she notices is the young attendant and a few security guards. There’s no way this is a top secret operation and he’s letting her in on the details. Reyes would have briefed her for that. 

Out of all of the scenarios running through her head, a building full of children is not one of them. Jesse brings her to a bright colored room that’s lined with play mats, toys, and laughing children. “Remember that mission back in Madagascar?” Jesse says. 

“Are these?” Sophia turns to him, but he’s not looking at her, he’s looking at the kids. 

“Sure is. These are all the kids we rescued. Overwatch has a program set up, gonna get them all healthy and normal and they’ll be put up for adoption.” 

Sophia doesn’t go in the room. Her feet stay plastered to the floor.  _ I’m bad with kids, _ she tells herself. So she stays where she is and just watches. Her mind can’t help but think about the kids she killed, the kids that didn’t get saved.  _ Was it worth it _ ? She wants to think it was. Because of her actions, these kids get another chance. And that has to be enough. 

They stand there for a little over an hour before Jesse begins to pull her toward the exit. “Wanna get a drink?” 

She thinks that's a horrible idea. She’s still mad at him, not sure why he’s been ignoring her, but a drink does sound nice. “You paying?” 

Jesse takes them to a nice little pub in downtown. The atmosphere is nice and it’s not too packed. A few people notice Jesse and wave. Sophia wonders how long he’s been with Blackwatch, been in Switzerland, for people to recognize him. 

“You come here often?” She asks and he nods toward a table in the back. 

“Yeah. Come here with a few guys from Overwatch.”

“I thought you hated them.”

Jesse shrugs, “Most of em’. But there’s a few that’ve been there from the start that are nice to guys like me.” 

Sophia orders a glass of beer and Jesse does the same. “So, Angie’s been teachin’ ya’ German?” 

She nods, “Mhm. She thought it’d be helpful since we’re stationed here for a while longer.” 

Sophia waits until she’s on her third beer before she asks Jesse, “Why have you been avoiding me?” 

Jesse chokes on his drink, “Ain’t avoidin’ ya.” 

“Liar,” Sophia says, pointing a finger at him, “You’ve been avoiding me since the Madagascar mission.” 

“I’m treatin’ ya like everyone else.” Sophia calls bullshit, but she doesn’t say anything else. Rather, she finishes her drink in a hurry, throws money on the table and heads for the door. 

Jesse's right behind her, making sure to stop and pay the bill. “Sophia wai-.”

“Take me back to HQ or I’ll call a cab to do it.” She crosses her arms over her chest and stares him down. 

“ _ Fine _ .” Jesse says in a huff and pulls his door open. 

The ride is quiet, quieter than the ride into town. They both lit a cigarette and don’t even dare to look at the other. Sophia is buzzed, a little over tipsy and knows Jesse is to. He probably shouldn’t even be driving. Probably should have called a cab after all. But Jesse makes it to the watchpoint in one piece. 

Sophia makes sure to make a dramatic exit and slams the car door. But Jesse’s right at her side before she has a chance to walk away. “ _ Move _ .” 

Jesse puts his hands on both sides of her, pinning her against the car. “Naw. You wanna know why I’ve been avoiding you?” 

“Of course I do!” 

-

Jesse’s dumb. Down right stupid. His Ma and Pa had told him. Reyes had told him. Genji told him almost all the time. But it has just never sunk in just how stupid he actually is. 

That’s what goes through his mind as he leans in too close to Sophia. As he takes her lips against his own. She completely stills against him.  _ Yer damn stupid Jesse _ , he tells himself. But he can’t stop. Not now. The buzz of the alcohol has given him the courage. Fool’s courage. 

The last thing he expects is Sophia to return the kiss. It’s soft and sweet. Her lips are plush, warm, everything he’s ever wanted and needed. But then her hands on his chest, pushing him away. “We can’t.” It’s a whisper and Jesse realizes then that he’s a fool. 

“So it’s true then,” he says and actually laughs, “the rumors.” 

Sophia doesn’t look at him and it all but confirms everything he’s heard. Everything he’s seen. Everything he’s denied is true. She’s untouchable and he’s in love with her. In love with someone he can’t ever have. 

He removes himself from the truck and watches her go. He takes a cigarillo out of his pocket and lights it, lets it sit on his lips as he stares at her. “Damn you Reyes.” 


	10. The Monsters We Make

You don’t really know the cause and effect of the decisions you make until you witness them first hand. Until you stand in front of something your decisions have done, you’ll never get the full effect. You’ll never know what it feels like to know the weight they carry. The weight you must carry. 

That’s what Sophia thinks as she stares at Reyes. Stares at the man she’s made. 

-

“So this is safe?” Sophia questions, looking over the forms. 

Moira gives her a look and than turns away. “I can’t really say for sure that it’s going to be safe.” She moves toward the vials that are on the table. “I’ve tested both your blood and Gabriel's, mixed them, and it seems your nanobots heal his.” 

Sophia bites the inside of her cheek. “This could cure him.” It’s not a question but Moira still nods. 

“Seventy-five percent chance.” It’s not a hundred, but it’s something. Moira has been trying for months to think of something and with some begging, Sophia was able to get Gabriel to try. This was Moira’s last resort. 

Sophia nods, “Alright then. I agree.” She doesn’t miss the look of excitement on Moira’s face as she signs the papers. Moira is a scientist after all and Sophia assumes she just can’t help getting excited over experiments. Which this was. 

The operation is scheduled for tomorrow. 

**From: Commander Reyes**

Come to my room tonight. After midnight.

Sophia doesn’t bother knocking, just places her hand on the sensor and enters. Gabriel’s given her access to both his room and office. Athena has never asked why. 

Gabriel is already in bed, maybe he’d forgotten, maybe he’d been tired. Sophia doesn’t ponder on it. She strips out of her shirt and sweats and climbs into bed next to him.

He stirs with a hum and turns to face her, “I must have fallen asleep.” 

“It’s okay.” He wraps his arms around her and pulls her close. “Are you scared?” She can hear his heart thump against his chest. 

“More anxious than scared,” he admits, “Moira’s methods are….” He pulls away and looks down at her. “Are you okay with this.” 

“Of course.” She smiles, something soft, something comforting. 

They haven’t put a label on what this is. Sophia isn’t entirely sure she knows what  _ this _ is. Her heart aches for this man, but does it ache for the right reasons? Her mind wanders back to Jesse, back to that kiss. To his warm lips and the taste of his cigars on her mouth. But that was weeks ago. 

Gabriel pulls her away from her thoughts with a kiss. Gabriel’s kisses are needier, like he could be kissing her for that last time. He kisses with a need and Sophia opens up to him. Gabriel always tastes like coffee and sugar. It’s something she’s grown used to, something she craves. He fills her senses, makes her feel complete. 

He moves on top of her, hands coming to rest on her hips. She wraps her legs around his waist and pulls him closer, feels his cock rest against her panties. “Naked already?” She jokes. 

Gabriel hums against her ear, “Would you rather I had been dressed?” 

“I do like to undress you.” She says, fingers moving down his chest, tracing his scars.

He groans into her ear as she takes him in hand and gives him a few pumps. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He kisses down her chin to her throat and she turns her head to the side to give him more room. Gabriel loves her neck, always leaves it peppered in bruises. If the operation tomorrow succeeds, he might be leaving her with more than bruises. 

She removes her hands from his cock for only a moment as she removes her underwear. “Gabriel,” she says and he hums against her neck, “can I be on top?” 

He pulls back and stares at her. “Really?” She nods and he moves onto his back. 

She feels small on top of him, but Gabriel is large. He’s bulky, all lean muscle and tight abs. She positions herself over him and slowly lowers herself. The stretch always takes her breath away. Gabriel isn’t small, by any means, and everytime feels like the first. 

Gabriel always waits for her to accommodate to the stretch. Waits for her to catch her breath, waits for that breathy moan that leaves her lips. She places her hands on his chest and begins to move. Slow, small movements. But Gabriel won’t have any of that as he places his hands on her hips and holds her there as he begins to thrust. 

“ _ Gabriel _ !” He moves, sits up and grabs hold of her. 

He kisses her, swallows down her moans and eats anything she wants to say. She loses herself in him and he in turn loses himself in her. It’s then that she knows exactly what this is. Gabriel holds her like he never wants to let her go. And she holds him back.

-

The operation takes place at ten thirty in the morning. Athena has been denied access to the camera’s or microphones inside Moira’s lab. Sophia wonders if anyone will notice, and if they do, how long it will take. 

“Alright,” Moira says, “you’ll be under for about two hours.” 

Sophia and Gabriel nod. She stares at the ceiling. The last time anything like this happened, she was getting her body injected with vicious toxins and nanobots. But this is different. With her help, Gabriel can get help. He can live. 

She doesn’t feel a thing while she’s under. Rather, she dreams of home. Dreams of the living room, can smell the cigarettes in the air. There’s a faint music playing. Papa probably put on a tune. She stands in the doorway, watches her younger self dance. 

Sophia wakes to a violent scream. Her eyes snap open and she scans the room only to find it’s empty. She’s been moved to a bed, an IV filled with blood stuck into her arm. She goes to stand and her legs give out. Moira did say there would be side effects, she did need quite a lot of blood. 

She grips the edge of the bed and forces her legs to work. She’s dizzy, but nothing is going to stop her. The screaming is coming from the room next door. And it’s Gabriel’s screaming.  _ He’s in pain. _

Sophia isn’t sure what she expected to see as she neared the doorway. She wasn’t sure what exactly was happening, why Gabriel was in pain. But the dark smoke that fills the room isn’t what she expected. It’s thick, swarms around Gabriel. 

“Sophia,” Moira calls out from across the room, “I swear I didn’t-.”

Another vicious scream sounds throughout the room. Sophia moves closer to the bed, closer to Gabriel. He looks at her and she only knows by the red glow they give off through the smoke. “Gabriel.” She calls out, soft, comforting. 

The smoke subsides only a little. “Sophia?” 

“It’s me.” The smoke suddenly moves and takes hold of her. She doesn’t fight it, doesn’t do anything that might startle him. It engulfs her as she hears the bed creak. She reaches her arms out, takes hold of Gabriel and pulls him close. “It’s okay.” 

“It doesn’t hurt anymore,” he whispers and pulls her close, arms tightening around her. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.” 

-

It takes exactly a week for Gabriel to gain complete control over the smoke. He can hide it, condense it back inside his body. Testing has shown that his nanobots have completely joined with Sophia’s, curing him. 

He schedules a mission and only takes Sophia. A simple in and out take down mission. Sophia performs better than he expected.  _ He _ performs better than he expected. The smoke tendrils make him faster, make him feel lighter. He can condense them into weapons, fill peoples lungs with the smoke and make them collapse. 

Gabriel stares down at the target, completely drained of life. He then looks back at Sophia, looks at the expression on her face. The smile on her lips might be unsettling to someone else, but not Gabriel. There’s blood on her cheek, on her chest, on her finger tips. It’s splattered across her boots, mixed into her hair. But she smiles, something sincere. 

Moira made him a monster. 

He’d made Sophia one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this story before Michael Chu announced that Gabriel Reyes got his wraith powers from the SEP program. Oh well! I like my idea to ;)


	11. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to update this a few days early, because why not!

Sophia’s been through everything by now, she’s sure of it. So sure that nothing can surprise her now. She’s been blown up, shot at, watched Moira turn a human into somethings not entirely….  _ Human. _ Her body has began to form scars, the nanites starting to slow down healing. 

She’s know it’s a sign of something, that she should tell Moira, but she doesn’t. She keeps it to herself. They heal her well enough and a scar here and there isn’t going to hurt her. She rather likes them, permanent marks of the things she’s done. Among those marks are the marks Gabriel leaves. A month after the operation, he started to get sporadic, lash out. It was harder for him to control the black mist his nanites produced. 

After testing, Moira found that he needed to keep his up take on Sophia’s blood. His body was craving it, the nanites lashing out to get more of it. She let him take it of course, gave him everything he wanted. She couldn’t disobey, not when she was this far in. Not when she’d help create the thing that he’d become. She wanted to believe nothing had changed, but she knew. The hushed whispers that wondered from his offices did not fall on deaf ears. 

She pushed all of it to the back of her mind and focused on what was in front of her. 

The shuttle was cold, they usually were. She huddled her Blackwatch issued jacket tighter around her and sighed as she leaned back into her seat. She wanted to talk to Genji, hear his laughter to calm down her nerves. Something about this mission was sending shivers down her spine. 

_ “Refuse this next mission,” Moira said, pulling Sophia aside before she entered the briefing room. _

_ “Excuse me?” Sophia wasn’t fond of Moira and Moira knew it.  _

_ “I said, refuse this mission.” Moira looked nervous and Sophia watched as she swallowed hard.  _

_ “I will do as I please.”  _

She can’t shake the feeling that’s gnawing at her stomach. This was just a scouting mission to the states and that was all. She’d be stationed here for two weeks with the rest of Alpha team, aside from Genji. He’d been sent on a different mission. Alpha team had never replaced Simmons, but she assumed it was for the best. They were sent on missions that were more based on stealth and not frontal assault. They were a black ops division after all. 

Sophia doesn’t even realize McCree has taken a seat next to her until he speaks, “Somethin’ wrong?”

She looks at him and wants to spill everything. She wants to tell Jesse about Gabriel, about how it’s starting to weigh down on her. She wants to tell him she thinks something bigger is going on here. “Nah.” But she doesn’t. 

“Prepare for landing,” the ships A.I. chimes over the comms. 

Sophia tightens her hands around the safety belt. She prepares for something that never comes. The shuttle lands on a helipad on the New York base without a problem. She lets out a breath she isn’t aware she was holding and Jesse gives her a curious look. All she does is smile. 

From there, they take a car ride to the outpost they’ll be stationed at. It’s dark and Sophia looks up at the stars from the backseat window. Sanchez is seated next to her, with two Overwatch agents in front. McCree and Mill’s are in a car in front of them. 

Everything that happens next, happens too fast. Sophia sees the flash of light before she hears the explosion. For a moment, she can’t hear anything. The car in front of them is suddenly on fire and Sophia can feel herself screaming, yelling out as her car swerves. Sound overtakes her as a second explosion shakes her car. She feels weightless and then there’s nothing. 

_ Sophia! _ She hears papa’s music.  _ Sophia wake up! _ She doesn’t need to wake up does she? What was she doing? 

She can see Papa in his chair next to the record player. His smoke weaves into the air, sets a curtain for her. “Come dance for me?” He asks and smiles at her. She takes a step toward him, toward the curtain of smoke. 

_ Sophia wake the fuck up! _ Someone’s screaming at her.  _ You can’t die here! I won’t let you! _

“But it’s so nice here,” Papa says, “You don’t need to go back.” 

_ Sophia you need to wake up! Jesse needs you!  _

Air fills her lungs as she jolts awake. She coughs, can taste blood in her mouth and groans at the throbbing pain against her skull. She glances around and it takes her a moment to realize she’s upside down. She reaches for the belt buckle and curses when it won’t let her loose. She reaches for her knife and cuts herself loose. 

She falls against the top of the car and chokes down a scream at the pain that bursts through her side. Her nanites are screaming inside her, telling her to slow down, telling her to stop. But she can’t. Not now. 

Sophia looks over to Sanchez and sees the large gash that’s been torn into her side. She crawls over to her and checks her pulse. Dead. Sophia curses and punches something, a chair she thinks, but the car is so mangled she can’t really tell. She checks the driver and passenger, notices the shards of glass stuck into each of them. She checks their pulses anyway. Dead. 

She pulls them out of the car, into the ditch and heads for the first car. It’s toppled like hers, the doors and windows blown out. She looks around for McCree. “Jesse!” 

“M’ over here.” He calls out and Sophia panics at how weak he sounds. She moves around the car and only spots him because of the light from the flames. 

“Jesse,” she says as she sees him. Part of the car door is over top of him, she only knows it’s him because of his hat. How he managed to keep it through the explosion she’ll never know. It takes everything in her to haul the car door off of him and to the side. It’s then that she sees how severe his injuries are. “Jesse…”

“It’s bad, ain’t it?” Bad was an understatement, but all she does is nod. From the elbow down, Jesse’s left arm is gone. It’s a messy wound, parts of flesh hanging there. She can see the bone. “Sophia, you gotta-you gotta cauterize the wound.” 

Sophia isn’t stupid, she knows it’s going to hurt, that she’s going to cause Jesse immense pain. But she has to. She breaks off a part of metal from one of the cars and it’s then that she realize’s she’d forgotten about Mill’s. “He ain’t there.” Jesse calls out to her. “Bastard dove from the car before the explosion went off. Always thought there was a mole, but Mill’s? Just didn’t seem to add up.” 

Instant regret for not telling Jesse sooner she thought something was going on wells up into her, but she pushes it back down. She grabs the piece of metal and heats it in the flames of the burning car. She searches for anything to give Jesse to bite into it, a stick will just have to do. 

When she returns, Jesse has propped himself up against the door that’d been laying on top of him just moments before. “Ready?”

“Ready as I can be darlin’.” He smiles at her and right before she goes to cauterize the wound, Jesse pauses her. “Listen, it might be because of the blood loss, but I gotta say this now.” 

“Jesse-.”

“Naw, just listen to me, please. I could die here and I ain’t dyin’ with regrets.” Sophia leans back and looks at him. “Iunno’ what you got goin’ on with Reyes, ain’t my business. But I can’t just sit back and watch you be hurt no more.” Sophia goes to speak, but Jesse shushes her with his good hand. “You ain’t gonna tell me anythin’ to convince me otherwise sweetheart. You’re hurtin’ and I just wanna know why.” 

Sophia looks away from him and at the ground. Instead of answering, she shoves the stick back into Jesse’s mouth and presses the metal to his wound with no warning. The scream he lets out is something she’s sure she’ll hear for the rest of her life. His good hand grabs at her, his fingers dig into her skin, she can feel the blood that pools there. 

Than he’s gone, knocked out from the pain. She checks his pulse and he’s still alive. “This is Agent Gretzky, I need immediate backup.” The comm is staticy. “This is Agent Gretzky-” she cuts off as she hears footsteps behind her. 

They’re silent and she doesn’t realize someone’s behind her until it’s too late. Her hair is harshly grabbed and she’s pulled back and away from McCree. She reaches behind her, tries to get a grip on whoever it is, but comes up empty handed. She attempts to turn, to bite at whoever it is. 

“Nuh uh,” a familiar voice calls from behind her, “none of that now dear.” A muzzle like device is suddenly fastened over her face and she’s thrown face down into the dirt. Her weapons are stripped from her and then she feels the butt of a rifle slam into the back of her.

_ “You could be with me.” He calls out to her. “I could treat ya better than him.” She doesn’t doubt that. She knows things aren’t going to get better.  _

_ But all she can do is smile and say, “I’m happy like this.” _

_ “Then why do you look like you’re fallin’ apart?” _

The bright light in the room causes a pain to throb against her skull. She squints, tries to get a better view of where she is, but her vision blurs. The nanites scream at her. Has something happened to her eyesight?

“Finally awake?” She stills. She recognizes that voice. She looks around, realizing she’s chained to a metal chair. She kicks at it, struggles, but it’s bolted to the floor. “You’re not going anywhere.” 

“Simmons?” She questions and hears a familiar chuckle come from behind her. 

“Right on the mark.” 

“But you-.”

“Died? Yeah not so much. After I pushed you from the explosion, I tried to take you away and one of the Overwatch agents shot me. I got away though. I bet he was silenced, since you knew nothing of what happened.” Silenced by who?

“Why save me?” She asks instead, testing her wrists against her bonds. She’s not going anywhere. 

There’s a shuffling behind her and Simmon’s moves into view. When her eyes finally focus on him, she sees he hasn’t changed at all. “Talon’s been after ya for awhile. Was a stroke of luck, really, that Blackwatch picked ya up before they did.” She looks past Simmons at another figure in the room and her eyes goes wide when she realizes it’s McCree. “He’s fine, for now anyway.”

“He needs help!” Sophia struggles against her bonds. McCree looks wrecked, his wound covered in dirty rags. 

“Don’t worry, I got plans for him.” Simmons grabs her by the chin and she realizes she’s still wearing the muzzle. “But I got plans for you too.” 

“I won’t tell you anything.” 

Simmon’s laughs. “There isn’t anything you could tell me I don’t already know dear. You know how many people are corrupt in Blackwatch?” 

“Than what do you want!” He moves back behind her again and returns with a knife. 

“I have to make sure you’re going to join us willingly.” 

Sophia sits up straighter in the chair. “Fuck you.” She would spit at him if she could. 

“Be that way then.” She braces herself for the first cut as he runs the blade over her hand. Is he going to cut off her fingers? He raises the knife, but before he can do any harm, the door opens. 

“Stop!” Sophia’s eyes go wide as she stares at Moira. “The boss has said these two are not to be touched. Dump them back at the Overwatch base.” 

Simmons tenses up and frowns. He looks back at Moira and then back at Sophia. It’s Moira who speaks next. “He didn’t lie dear, we do have many people in Blackwatch. You’d be wise to keep your mouth shut about this.”

The rest is a blur. Something sharp is stuck in her neck and then she’s staring at a white ceiling, back at the Swiss HQ. Gabriel’s there, asking if she’s okay, asking what happened. She lies and says she doesn’t remember. It’s chalked up to torture and Sophia is given a two weeks leave. 

She spends most of it in McCree’s hospital room. “Torb’s gonna fix me up with a new hand,” he says, looking at the schematic Torbjorn had left him, “gonna be real nice.” 

McCree has no recollection of being captured. Sophia wants to spill it all, she wants to tell him everything. But she can feel eyes on her, can see people staring at her from everywhere. She stays silent and says nothing. She keeps him company and smiles. 

The explosion took out the sight in her right eye. The nanites might have been able to fully heal it if she’d rested, but she hadn’t. They’d failed, the green pigment now gone, replaced by a pale blue. McCree tells her it looks cool. 

It just reminds her of Alice. 


	12. The More It Hurts

The letter that sits on her nightstand when she finally makes it to her room is dusty. Between spending time in the medbay and in Gabriel’s room, her room has became something she rarely uses. But today she’d wanted space, something that was all hers. 

She doesn’t remember leaving the note there, so it piques her interest. She isn’t prepared for what it says. 

_ Sophia, _

_ I am sorry I am not there to tell you in person. I fear seeing you would make me want to stay. You were a good friend to me and leaving you fills me with immense guilt, but know I am going to do something that I have to. I will not be returning. Please forgive me.  _

_ Genji _

Sophia doesn’t even have time to process what has happened as her comm goes off. “It’s me.” Gabriel’s voice is dark, needier than usual. For the first time in a long time, she doesn’t want to go to him. But she does anyway. 

He’s in his office, going over paperwork and sifting through something on his holo tablet. It’s quiet when she enters and she suddenly doesn’t know what to say.  _ Did you know Genji is gone? Did you issue the mission he went on that made him leave? What do I do now? Look at me! _

When Gabriel does look at her, all she can see is the hunger in his eyes. The want and need. That’s all she’s become now and she realizes it now. 

She seats herself in his lap and tilts her head to the side so he can get access to her neck. It doesn’t hurt anymore when he takes blood from her. It’s a dull ache, a constant reminder, but it doesn’t hurt. By the time she realizes she’s crying, it’s too late. The tears roll down her cheeks silently. One of them must hit Gabriel. 

“Sophia?” He sits back in his chair and looks at her. She watches the shift in his eyes. “Sophia? Am I hurting you? What’s wrong?” For a moment, he’s the Gabriel from before. The Gabriel that used to hold her till noon and make her feel loved. It just makes her cry even more. 

“I’m okay. Just been a rough week is all.” 

Gabriel picks her up and takes her into his room and he loves her. Loves her like she needs, but it just causes her more pain. 

_ “Why are you doing this to yourself?” Alice asks, staring back at her from the mirror.  _

_ “Isn’t this what you wanted?” Sophia spits back.  _

_ Alice frowns. “Not at all. I wanted you to give my dear, but I wanted you to receive in return.” Alice reaches through the mirror, touches her cheek. “Are you receiving anything in return?”  _

_ “You should have stayed with me.” Grey’s voice floods her ears. “I could have given you everything.”  _

_ “But you love me right?” Gabriel says to her, his reflection in the mirror. “I love you. You know that right?”  _

_ Her fist smashes into the mirror and she watches the blood and glass fall into the mirror. “You gotta do what makes you happy,” she turns and sees McCree standing there, “you deserve that much.”  _

_ “I can’t.”  _

Sophia wakes to a crash. She bolts up in bed and sees she’s alone in the room. Another crash comes from Gabriel’s office. She can hear whispers. She approaches the door cautiously and presses her ear to it. 

“You’re telling me that he  _ touched  _ her?” Another crash, Gabriel’s thrown something. 

“If you would have just  _ listened _ to me before, this could have been avoided. Jesse would still have his arm!” Moria speaks in a loud whisper, voice tense. “You should have taken this offer a long time ago Gabriel.” 

Sophia swallows. “So they’ve resorted to this? Killing my people?” 

“They’ve wanted Sophia and Jesse for awhile now and you’ve known that. I’ve done all I could to keep them away. If you join, with your current power, you could  _ persuade _ them differently.”  

There’s a long silence and Sophia lets out a quite breath as she waits. “Who touched her?” 

“Gabriel-.”

“ _ Who _ touched Sophia, Moira?” 

She hears Moira sigh. “It was Mills. Mills caused the damage to her eye.” Sophia grimaces as she recalls the memory. 

“I want him delivered to me. If Talon does that, I will join them.”  _ Talon _ ? 

Sophia takes a step away from the door just as her communicator goes off. She curses herself internally for not having it on silent. All too suddenly is the door to Gabriel’s office opening and he’s stepping inside the room. “Athena please lock my quarters.” 

“Understood Commander Reyes.” 

Gabriel takes a step forward and Sophia takes a step back. “Sophia.” It’s stern, commanding, but she continues to back away. 

“You’re going to join them? Our enemy?” 

Gabriel frowns. “I’m doing this for you.” Sophia swallows hard as her back hits the wall and Gabriel crowds her against it. “They’re just going to keep coming after you and McCree.” 

“And that makes it right? To join people who have killed countless Overwatch agents?” 

“You think I give a damn about Overwatch?” Gabriel scowls. “The same people who put me here?” Sophia sucks in a breath as Gabriel’s hand encloses around her throat. She can see the tendrils of mist starting to seep from his body. “All I care about is you and Jesse. You know that right?”

Sophia is silent. She’s afraid of what to say next. She doesn’t want to set him off. He could snap her neck, suck out the life from her and toss her aside so easily. She doesn’t think she’s ever been afraid of Gabriel. She is now. 

“Of course Gabriel.” The grip on her throat lossens, but the hand stays. 

“You’ll be a good girl, right? You won’t make this hard on me. Just do as I say and everything will be fine.” She swallows again. “Because you love me.” 

“Yes.” His hand squeezes. “I love you, of course I do.” Something in his eyes flickers. Sophia thinks that maybe he’s fighting against whatever this darkness is. His hand twitches against her throat, gets tighter for just a moment before he removes it completely. 

“I knew you’d understand.” 

He leads her back to bed and Sophia does what she’s always done. Does what’s engraved into her.  _ Obey. _

-

Gabriel makes her watch when he kills Mills. Talon hand delivered him, bloodied and tortured. Gabriel didn’t seem to mind at all. He just wanted the honor of slitting his throat. Which is what he did. He disposes of the body in the morgue and tells Moira to take care of it. 

Sophia sneaks into the Morgue late into the night and finds where they’re keeping the body. She removes the name tag, burns it in a metal trash bin and creates a new one. She knows what Moira will do with this body, and even if Mills was a bad man, no one deserves that. This way he’ll get a proper burial.

Gabriel starts to give her more orders. Sends her on private missions. Most of them are simple, in and out missions to get blueprints. She doesn’t question when he asks her to get the schematics for the Swiss HQ. Doesn’t question when he wants the schedule of all Top Brass Soldiers and Leaders expected to arrive in the Swiss HQ in the next two months. 

She knows he’s planning something and she feels powerless to stop it. The only person she could tell is McCree. 

Maybe that’s why she’s standing in front of his door, hopelessly searching for words that aren’t there. “Sophia,” McCree calls from behind her, “you lookin’ fer me?” 

“Medbay said you were released today.” She says, turning to look him over. The new arm looks nice where it rests in his pocket. “I thought you’d be in your room.” 

Jesse shrugs, “Nah, went and talked to Angie about some ghost pains I’ve been feelin’.” 

They stand there and Sophia wants to say everything that’s running through her mind. “Want to grab a drink?” Is what she says instead. 

The smile that pulls across Jesse’s lips tugs at her heart. “You buyin’?”

“Well you paid last time,” she says with a smile and walks towards him, “lets go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last two chapters for "The Monster's We Make" will be uploaded Saturday :)


	13. In Your Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's technically Saturday for me, so here's the update!

“Aren’t you drinkin’ a little too much?” Jesse says, watching Sophia down another shot. She motions for the bartender to give her another. 

“I never get to cut loose, let me live a little.” She says, downing the other shot instantly. “I’ll take a Whiskey.” 

Sophia is feeling pleasantly buzzed.  _ This is what I needed, _ she thinks as she takes a drink of her Whiskey. McCree is a comfort next to her, a comfort that is much needed. She leans her arms on the counter and sighs. 

McCree gives her a look, finishes his Whiskey and orders another. “What’s bothering you?”

Sophia looks over at him, takes in his features. McCree is handsome, strikingly so.  _ He could make you happy _ , Alice says.  _ No _ , Sophia replies. 

“Nothing is bothering me,” she says, taking another drink, “just wanted to get out.” She glances over at him and smiles. “Can I see your arm?” McCree sighs and lifts it to sit on the counter. It’s all brushed metal and steel. She looks over it, notices the skull and rolls her eyes at him. “That’s a nice touch.”

McCree chuckles, “Torb knows me too well.” 

As Sophia takes another drink, she wonders if anyone is watching her. She thinks not. Gabriel trusts her now, she’s done everything he’s asked. Stolen information, killed people, and still returned to his bed at night. No, Gabriel does not doubt her, she’s sure of it. 

So she looks back at McCree. Looks at the curve of his lips, the way his adam’s apple bobs as he takes another drink. She wants everything he’s ever offered and more, but she knows she can’t have it. She’ll stick it out with Gabriel till the end. She has to. 

“I’m not stupid you know.” McCree says as he finishes his drink. “I remember what happened that night in New York.” 

Sophia stills around her glass and looks at him. “Everything?”

McCree nods, “Everything.” He places his glass down on the counter. “Hey,” he calls over to the bartender, “mind giving me two bottles of Whiskey and a room for the night?” 

Sophia finishes her drink and follows McCree up a flight of stairs to the rooms. It’s a small room, only has a bed and a table in it. He pours them each a drink as Sophia takes a seat at the table. “Tell me what’s going on.” He says as he takes a seat. 

Sophia sighs, “Mills and Simmons were undercover Talon agents.” 

“I figured that much,” he says, taking a drink, “but there’s a bigger picture here.” 

She looks at him,  _ really _ looks at him. He’s here, asking questions she has the answers to. But what will he think? What will he do? She stares down at her glass, rotates it in her hand and watches the liquid spin. “Moira and Gabriel are working for Talon.” 

McCree chokes on his drink, “Moira  _ and _ Gabriel?” 

Sophia nods, “Gabriel was sick. It was a closely guarded secret. With my help, Moira saved him. But now he’s… he’s not  _ himself _ anymore Jesse. He’s losing his mind and Moira’s controlling everything he does.” 

Jesse leans back in his seat and grabs the bottle of Whiskey and drinks from it. “I knew somethin’ was going on, but somethin’ this big?” He rubs the bridge of his nose. 

“Gabriel he’s…” Sophia takes another drink, ponders what to say. “He’s planning something big with the Swiss HQ and I think he’s going to hurt a lot of people.” Sophia looks at McCree, sees the comfort in his eyes. “Jesse I’m scared.” 

It all comes out in a rush. The tears, the sob, the shaking. “Hey now,” Jesse says, moving to get closer to her, “it’s going to be okay.” 

There’s something in his voice that lets her know it’s not. That he’s lying. But Sophia doesn’t care. Right now she needs comfort and she knows Jesse will give it. It’s a selfish request, she knows it is, but she asks it anyway. 

She places her arms around his shoulders and pulls him close. He stills against the kiss, but then quickly returns it. He kisses her like he’s starved for it, like this is all he needs in the world. He kisses her like it’s their last and Sophia believes it. 

He picks her up and carries her to the bed. McCree is gentle, his touches are soft against her skin. His lips are smooth as they run down her cheek, mouth at her chin. His hands wander up her top and easily pull it off. 

Something flashes on his face as he looks at her neck, looks at the marks there. He runs calloused fingers over the scars, over Gabriel’s marks. Then he looks at her with so much regret in his eyes. “Should have done this a long time ago.” He says before stealing any words she might have said. 

He kisses her gently and than with more urgency. She opens up to him, lets his tongue slide against hers. He tastes like whiskey and something with spice. His cigars probably. It’s a taste Sophia finds herself chasing when he goes to pull away. She doesn’t ever want to forget it. 

Jesse just chuckles and moves down to her neck. He mouths over her scars, traces them with his tongue and suckles. He knows better than to bite, but the brush of teeth against her skin has her breath hitching. His hands move behind her and work off her bra, he tosses it somewhere on the floor. 

When he pulls away to look at her, his breath catches in his throat and it causes Sophia to blush. “Beautiful.” He whispers as he mouths at her breasts, takes a nipple between his teeth. Sophia bites on her fist to keep quiet as Jesse works over each nipple with care. She squirms, arches into his touches and  _ whines _ for more. She admits she's never felt quite like this and blames it on the alcohol. 

“ _ Jesse _ .” She whines and gets a chuckle in return. 

Jesse is slow, meticulous. It's as if he's mapping out her body, his fingers moving over every scar, every freckle.  _ Everything _ . It only tells Sophia what she's known along. This will be their first and last time. So she welcomes everything he's going to give her. 

He moves down her stomach, peppering kisses to every inch of skin under him. Jesse makes quick work of her pants and underwear, tossing them in the ever growing pile of clothing on the floor. “Yer just perfect everywhere.” 

Sophia sits up on her elbows and stares down at him, “Jesse, stop teasing me.” 

“Love when ya say my name darlin’.” He says, placing a kiss to her inner thigh. “Lets see if I can get you to say it some more.” 

“Jesse!” Sophia almost chokes on his name, a moan trailing behind it as he dips his tongue inside her. She feel’s, rather than hears, the hum that he gives her in reply. “ _ Jesse _ ,” she whines again, hands threading into his hair. 

He hums again, intent on delving deeper, but Sophia tugs on his hair. “Just let me worship you a little darlin’.” 

Sophia moves a hand to his cheek, rubs her thumb over his lips. “I just want you Jesse.  _ Please _ .” 

-

This is everything McCree has ever wanted and at the same time, he doesn’t want it at all. The alcohol mixed into his system tells him it’s okay, but his heart doesn’t. His heart tells him it can’t take anymore. That he needs to leave this room and her before he hurts himself.  _ All I’ve done is hurt myself _ , he tells himself,  _ One more time ain’t gonna hurt. _

He’s not sure he’s loved someone as much as he does Sophia. Ana maybe, but not in the same way he loves Sophia. She’d come into Blackwatch like a storm and had swept him up. Maybe it was the fact that he’d never had her, never be able to, that made him want her all the more in this moment. 

Sophia’s hands move up his chest as he takes his shirt off. They’re softer, softer than he’d ever imagine they would be. Her fingers weave into his chest hair and she pulls, bringing him down to her. She tastes like cheap whiskey and sugar. McCree chases that taste, gets as much of it as he can. 

He doesn’t even feel her fingers slide down to his pants. Doesn’t feel them unbuckle his belt. She slowly pulls his pants down and McCree takes the hint and shimmies them off and onto the floor. “Commando?” Sophia chuckles into his mouth as she takes him in hand. 

“I hurried to get around for you darlin’.” Jesse says and moves closer to her. 

Sophia helps McCree line up with her entrance and lets out a frustrated sigh when he stills. “Jesse, you’re not going to hurt me.”  _ But I am. _

Jesse enters her in one thrust and he hears the way her breath hitches as he bottoms out. She feels better than he could ever imagine she would. Her arms wrap around his shoulders, fingers dig into his hair as he starts a slow pace. He wants to savor this as much as he can. 

“You’re such a tease,” Sophia jokes, her breath ragged. But she holds him tighter and Jesse can feel the quake in her body. Is she crying? He goes to look but she holds him in place, buries her face into the crook of his shoulder. “Please don’t stop.” 

He doesn’t. Jesse loves her like he’s always had her. Loves her the way he would if she was his. 

His slow pace turns into quick, brutal thrusts as she grips him tighter. “Jesse, I-.” She chokes on her words as he thrusts into her, hits her sweet spot just right. “Even if you don’t mean it-.” He can feel her tears fall onto his shoulder. “Tell me you love me.” 

_ You’re just going to hurt yourself even more. _

“I love you, Sophia.” She comes on a choked sob, body tightening around him. Jesse thrusts once, twice more until he’s spilling inside her. 

“I love you Jesse.” He wonders if it’s a lie. 

-

Sophia awakens with a headache and nothing more. The bed is cold, the room empty. But she knew it would be this way. The way Jesse had held her was a clear sign he wouldn’t be here in the morning. 

A sad smile pulls across her lips as she looks at the empty glasses on the table. Maybe in another life she’d have woken up to him sitting there. To the smell of his cigar smoke filling the room. 

_ “Sleep well darlin’?” _ Jesse’s accent would be thicker in the morning, she knows it.  _ “Went downstairs and grabbed ya a coffee.” _ She can almost smell it. 

Her communicator rings from where it sits on the nightstand. Jesse’s is right next to it. “Agent Gretzky.” She says when the line connects. 

“McCree’s gone AWOL,” Gabriel says on the other end, “We’re conducting a search party. Where are you?” 

The fact that Gabriel doesn’t know where she is makes her smile. So he did trust her enough to not have her watched. “At a hotel outside base. Went for a drink last night and didn’t feel well enough to drive back.” 

Gabriel hums on the other line, “Be back here and ready in one hour.” 

Sophia gathers her things and heads out the door. “Ma’am.” The attendant at the bar stops her as she walks by. “A gentleman asked me to give this to you.” She pulls out a very expensive bottle of Whiskey and hands it to Sophia. 

On the top is a sticky note that reads,  _ I’m sorry _ . 


	14. In The Wake Of Destruction

They never find Agent McCree. Sophia doesn’t think they ever will. She makes sure to destroy his communicator and the note he’d left behind. Sophia doesn’t want to believe she hates McCree, rather, she’s envious. That he escaped. She’s never had that luxury. 

“This is rather strange,” Angela says, “Why did you come to me and not Moira? I am not your leading care physician anymore.” 

Sophia looks over at Dr. Ziegler and than back down at the floor. “You were available.” Is all she says. 

Angela sighs and taps away at her computer. “It looks like they’re starting to deteriorate. Not many right now, I don’t see it being a big problem for a few years, but we should start treatment.” 

“What do you suggest?” 

“Full blood transfusion.” 

Sophia sits there for a moment and than just smiles back at Angela, “I’ll think about it.” 

Angela doesn’t push her. Just gently touches her shoulder when she goes to leave. They both know Sophia won’t do it. She stands there for awhile, lets the heat of Angela’s hand seep into her clothes. Than she leaves. 

Gabriel is in a meeting when she arrives in his office ten minutes later. He doesn’t tell her to leave, rather motions for her to stay. She takes a position against the farthest wall as he continues his call. “We’ll execute this plan in one weeks time,” someone Sophia has never heard before speaks, “by dawn the next day, the Swiss HQ will be no more.” 

Sophia doesn’t even flinch when Gabriel’s eyes move over to her. She’s numb to the pain now, to the expectations. She keeps quiet, does what she’s told to do and nothing more. She’s known for awhile now Gabriel was working to crumble Overwatch from the inside out. McCree was her last hope. There’s nothing left now. 

“I have a mission for you,” Gabriel says when he ends the call, “I need you to fly out to Montreal.” 

Sophia moves over to him, watches the hunger in his eyes. “For how long?” 

“Two weeks.” 

She wants to cry as he holds her. As he takes what he wants. The black tendrils of smoke form around her, hold her close and try to comfort her through the pain.  _ He’s still in there, _ she thinks.  _ But he’s too far gone,  _ Alice replies.  _ Not yet _ . 

She takes the mission Gabriel gives her, but makes plans to return a day before the explosion. If she’s there when it’s about to go down, maybe she can stop it. Maybe she can make him realize his mistakes. Maybe she can still save him. 

Sophia stares at the bottle of whiskey Jesse left for her. She doesn’t know why she brought it, why she kept it. She wants to smash it against the wall of the Montreal base. But her hand stills in the air. “You bastard!” She yells into nothingness. 

She does more crying than she thinks is humanly possible that week. She’s alone at the base, no one but herself and Alice. 

“I wanted you to be happy,” Alice says, a frown on her face where she stands in the entryway, “I didn’t want this.” 

Sophia laughs, “Me? Happy? That was never a possibility. Just look at me, who I’ve become.” She swallows down a sob as she lights a cigar. 

They don’t taste like Jesse’s. She should have asked what kind he smoked. She should have asked him a lot. “You could go find him,” Alice offers, “he’s out there.” 

“Jesse left on his own. If he wanted me to come, he would have asked.” Sophia waves her hand and Alice leaves with a sigh. 

The transport to pick her up comes one hour late. “You’re late,” she says as she goes to board. 

“I’m sorry ma’am, I’ve been given strict orders to not fly out tonight.” 

Sophia stills and looks over at the young pilot. “Excuse me? Who gave you those orders?” 

“Commander Reyes. Said all air traffic back to base was restricted for the next two days.” 

Sophia swears and punches the transport. The pilot looks confused as she breaks down and cries, but he doesn’t say anything. 

When Sophia finally lands back in Switzerland, it’s not at HQ. All air traffic has been directed to a smaller base outside the capital. News is buzzing with details of the explosion that’s left the Overwatch Swiss HQ base in pieces.

No one is willing to take her there, so she walks. It takes her three hours to walk upon the rubble. At first, she doesn’t want to believe it. That Gabriel Reyes, the man that saved her from her hell, could do something like this. 

But he had. 

She spends three days searching the rubble for  _ anything. _ Two days later, they announce the deaths of both Strike Commander John Morrison and Blackwatch Commander Gabriel Reyes. There’s a funeral. Sophia carries Gabriel’s casket. It feels empty. 

It is empty. They couldn’t find his body and Sophia holds out some little hope that maybe he’s still alive. She also hopes he’s dead. 

She waits exactly one month before she leaves. Once she’s cleared of not being involved in the explosion, she’s given her severance pay and sent on her way. Angela offers her a home. Asks her to join her. 

Sophia is gone the next day. 

She leaves nothing behind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ends Part 2! 
> 
> Part 3 will be uploaded on Sunday, with one chapter a day until it's finished. :)


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